Slag Happens
by Wide Spread Panic
Summary: A short ROTF rambling. A misunderstanding leads to chaos as a girl finds herself being pursued by a homicidal Sideways and depending on the deranged Chevy-twins. Absolute Randomness. Rated for twins' bad-mouthing.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Wide Spread Panic doesn't own The Transformers, of course. Nor does she own any of the businesses or items mentioned within. This is but a work of fiction… of course it is…

Author's note: A random little one-shot inspired by the Chevy twins from TF: ROTF. This has nothing whatsoever to do with any of my other stories, but the plot-bunny refused to leave me alone. It's meant to be a one-shot, but it might be continued if you guys like it. I'll warn you though, this one's pretty random and stupid. 3 Rating is for Chevy-twins' language.

Synopsis: Basically, a little misunderstanding causes a lot of grief for one girl, as she finds herself stuck between a vain and homicidal Decepticon and two deranged and pretty much useless Autobots.

* * *

Slag Happens

Paint dribbled down my hand to run in a thin line to my elbow and drip slowly onto my jeans. I ignored it, as I leaned out a little farther on the ladder, trying to reach an unpainted spot of siding on my house without having to climb down and move the ladder. Slowly, but surely, my old house was making the transformation from sickly beige to white. I wiped sweat away from my forehead with the back of my other hand, letting go of the ladder to stand free-hand on the rungs. When I gripped the ladder again, making a face at the sun-warmed metal's slightly too-hot feel.

I heard the car coming down the road before I saw it. I tipped my head back, setting my paintbrush on the gutter and waited while a battered red pickup truck bounced up my gravel driveway. It came to an ungainly stop, raising a cloud of dust. I shielded my eyes against the sun and squinted at the man, in his early twenties like myself, climbed out of the truck. With a resigned scowl, I climbed down. He was at the bottom of the ladder when my feet touched the ground. He was smiling, that exuberant smile I knew to mean he was in the throes of energy-drink related good humor. I bit back a groan and forced a wry little smile.

"Come to help me paint?" I asked, knowing how unlikely that was. I took stock of the differences between us. He was taller than me, wearing a red shirt with a band I'd never heard of on it and new dark jeans. His olive skin was complimented by his angular face and short, curly hair. I was wearing an oversized shirt so big I could have made three regular shirts out of it and old jeans missing the knee of one leg and the majority of the other leg and my dirty-blonde hair was pulled back into a messy pony tail, that after hours of painting, had mostly escaped the rubber band.

"You watch it yet?" He demanded, ignoring my question completely.

I stared blankly back with incomprehension. "Watch what?" I asked slowly.

His smile became exasperated. "_The movie_. The one I told you to watch? With the aliens?" He shook his head in disapproval at my increasingly confused look. "_Transformers?_" He reminded me.

I winced. Not this again. "Sci-fi isn't my thing," I said dismissively, turning to seize a rag I'd left thrown over a bush to wipe my hands on.

"It's not sci-fi," he hissed and he leaned forward in a conspiratorial manner. "I've told you. It's real. The movies and cartoons are just a cover-up."

I regarded him much the same way I'd regard someone who started babbling about the sky being green with purple polka dots. "It's just a cartoon, Adam" I replied slowly. I saw his expression become stricken. He was one of my best friends and had been since junior high, but he was undeniably obsessed with the idea that the Transformers were real. That they'd been on Earth for a long time and the government kept it covered up. He insisted that the new movies and cartoons were just to test the public opinion on giant alien robots to see how ready we were for the truth. I smiled at him; that wary smile people everywhere adopt when they think they might be dealing with a mentally defective person who just might be dangerous. I didn't think he'd hurt me, in fact I knew otherwise, but I wasn't interested in getting sucked into his conspiracy theory nonsense either.

"Fine. Believe what you want to believe, but remember who's going to be saying I told you so when the government pops the top off this can of worms," he muttered and looked around. "Where's your car?"

"Why?" I retaliated, instantly on alert at the sudden change of topic.

He held up a book and a small bag. "Can you pull it out here in the sun so I can take a picture of it?" He gave me the eyes. Eyes that reminded you of horrible velvet paintings of puppies with unnaturally large sad eyes.

Put off, I frowned at him, trying to avoid looking at his face. _Damn it._ The eyes always got me and he knew it, I could see the triumph in his expression. "Keys are on the kitchen table, car's in the garage," I snapped.

He grinned and took off into my house, slamming the door behind him. A minute later he scurried back out with my keys in hand and raced around the side of the house to the garage without saying a word. I glowered after him. I put my hands on my hips and leaned back against the ladder as my blue Ford Taurus rounded the house and parked in the sun. He climbed out and set his book and bag in the gravel. I heaved a sigh and stalked over to see what he was doing. He shuffled around in the book until he found something just bigger than my open hand, which he happily slapped against the bumper of my car. I opened my mouth to protest, but then I realized it was a magnet not a sticker. I groaned when I finally figured out what it was. It was a shape formed in geometric shapes and it seemed to glare severely at me. I couldn't remember what it was called despite hours of listening to him ramble on and on about his theories. I knew it had to do with the Transformers, though.

He crouched and painstakingly made sure it was evenly positioned and stepped back to admire his handiwork. "What do you think?"

"Why is it on my car?" I asked.

He shot me a mischievous look. "I've been putting those on all kinds of cars and getting pictures of them. Me and a friend are going to prove the Transformers are real."

"By faking Transformers?" I demanded, not sure whether I understood his logic or not.

"If enough mysterious pictures turn up on the web the government will have to come out with the truth," he said, looking pleased.

I still didn't get his logic. "Says Hasbro on it," I pointed out, trying to keep a straight face.

His smile became strained. "I'll fix it on Photoshop," he muttered as he fished his digital camera out of his bag. I watched as he took several pictures from various angles.

He was about to snap off another when he cell phone went off. He snatched it off his belt and answered it grouchily as I looked on. I took the break in activity to excuse myself to go inside for a glass of sweet tea. I hesitated before pouring him a glass as well and went back outside.

He was hastily shoving his book and camera back in his bag. "What's up?" I drawled, watching his frenetic activity.

"Josey called, Rob wrecked his car again. They got him in the emergency room," he said, as he slung his bag into the truck and scrambled in after it. "Gotta go, mom's having a fit." Josey was Adam's older sister and Rob was his younger brother, I'd met them both on occasion, but not long enough to get to know them. I knew his mother far better and she was a skilled worrier.

I nodded and waved awkwardly with the tea glasses in hand. "Call me and let me know how he is," I yelled, but he was already tearing out of my drive and in the next instant he was gone.

* * *

I wandered back into the house, kicking off my old sneakers and tugging my shirt up over my head. I walked slowly down the hall to my room, preoccupied. I grabbed some slightly more dignified and significantly cleaner clothes and took a shower and changed. My painting would have to be postponed for the time being, I was far too hungry to finish right then, and besides I had to go to work in a couple of hours and chores needed to be done.

I stalked into my little kitchen off the narrow hall and stumbled per usual over the uneven doorjamb. I shuffled through the refrigerator with the resigned sort of mute horror of those walking to the gallows. Rotten mayo, something disturbing and possibly alive that had been dead in a plastic container (mmm, zombie meatloaf-I had a brief mental image of zombies made of rotten meatloaf chasing a bunch of campers and demanding ketchup), a jar of pickles (or rather pickle juice, the pickles were long gone making me wonder why I kept the empty container at all), sour milk, fuzzy cheese that might just be intelligent and plotting a violent takeover of my fridge if it could defeat the meatloaf zombie…as the inventory of horror grew, I gave up with a groan. A brief survey of the pantry revealed a lonely pop tart in a shiny foil wrapper hiding amid cans of vegetable way past their expiration dates. I debated eating it on the basis that: one, the box was AWOL and two, there was no visible expiration date on the wrapper. I wasn't usually this pathetic, but I'd been out of town for weeks and groceries don't buy themselves. _Oh, how I really wish they would…_

I shook myself and ripped open the wrapper while my common sense marched off to beat its head against the first convenient wall it could find. I broke a tiny piece off and examined it, but couldn't tell much. I shuddered and nibbled at the stale pop-tart. _Maybe it won't be so bad if I toast it…it's crunchy anyway, but then it'll be hot... _With that singular goal, I set off on a mission to find the toaster.

Turns out that, no, stale pop tarts aren't any better toasted. I glanced at the wall clock and came to a decision. Food first, then chores, and then work. Satisfied, I went out and climbed into my car. It's a pity it didn't even occur to me to check that Adam had gotten all of his things in his haste, because if I'd had the presence of my mind to check I would have noticed that he'd left the bumper sticker right in the middle of my bumper. Maybe if I'd taken it off, I could have saved myself a lot of grief, but joyfully oblivious, I peeled out of the drive and headed for Hardees.

The day went smoothly, the traffic wasn't too bad for a Friday and my little Ford weaved easily in and out of the flow of other cars. The only trouble I had was when a particularly ugly pink truck had abruptly pulled out of a side street and cut me off. I flipped the speeding vehicle off and watched as if swung down another side road without as much as a turn signal. I was cutting it close to time to work and my boss' warning about how fired I would be if I was late one more time replayed in my head. I was still fairly confident I could run in the bank, pay a bill and run back out with time to spare though. I parallel parked between a silver and black car of a make I didn't recognize and a red van and I speed-walked up the street to the bank. The lines were longer than I'd anticipated and I all but ran back to my car when I was finished. I had five minutes to get across town to the shop I worked in and I was in a panic.

I guess that's why I was a little too overzealous when I put the car in reverse and hit the gas. That's why I hit the silver and black car. My breath hitched as I felt the bump and froze. A dozen thoughts raced through my mind. Had anyone seen? No, I decided. If I stopped and followed procedure, I'd be late. And fired. I'd had a hard enough time finding this job, no one seemed to be hiring in the current economy. Guiltily, I decided to leave, reconciling myself that as unique as the silver and black car was, I'd be able to find it again and apologize to the owner. I tore out of there, with squealing tires, never looking back.

I never saw the silver and black car shudder to life, nor did I see it peel out behind me driverless with its headlights flaring.

* * *

The quickest way across town is to avoid traffic completely on the back roads and those were the ones I took. You rarely ever encountered other vehicles. At first I didn't notice the car behind me. Not until he flipped his high beams on and sped up until he was riding my bumper. I slowed down and waited for him to go around. He slowed down as well, his high beams blinding me. I cursed and pulled over, wanting him to go on. Unfortunately, he pulled over too. And rammed me. I'd been reaching for the door handle and my face smacked against the steering wheel. I yelped and grabbed my bleeding nose. I glowered out the review mirror and squinted against the bright light. I recognized the car in disbelief. Silver and black's driver must have seen me hit his car and followed me. Why he'd rammed me I didn't know. Tit for tat, perhaps?

He rolled backwards slowly and then gunned it, slamming into me again and forcing my car forward. I screamed and threw my car into drive and slammed onto the gas. The tires squealed and I was thrown back against my seat by the force of the acceleration. Behind me, sliver and black revved his engine and pursued. It occurred to my terrified and shocked brain that I'd backed into a severely mentally disturbed person. His car turned out to be much faster than mine. He clipped my car from the side and I lost control, skidding and I started screaming as my car flipped over and slammed into the ditch. Hanging upside down by my seat belt, too shocked to react, even to scream again, I tried to figure out what to do. My brain seemed muddy and confused. As I tried to form a plan of action, the air bags finally decided to go off. I thrashed to get free, but stopped as I heard a strange grinding sound. I couldn't see anything and the sound chilled me to the bone.

Then I heard a thud. And another. I wondered what the other driver was doing and what the sound could possibly be. Another thud and then my car was moving, metal screeching as it was dragged upside-down back onto the road. Something huge and metal landed near the driver's side window. A small mewling sound of fear escaped my lips.

"Transform and face me, you coward!" Thundered a malevolent voice, laced with metallic undertones. "You thought you could attack me, Sideways, while I recharged?" The huge metal thing reared back and slammed against my car, rocking me and it. "Show yourself, Autobot scum!"

Something in the back of my brain shuddered in recognition at the word, but I was far too befuddled to make sense of it. My car was violently flipped back over, knocking the wind out of me. I began clawing at the safety belt, my mind so scrambled I couldn't figure out how to undo it. By some miracle I managed to get it loose and shoved ineffectually at the damaged door. I grabbed the manual window lever and heaved against it, rolling the window down as quickly as possible.

"I said, TRANSFORM!" The enraged voice roared as I wriggled past the air bags landed in a heap, finally free. I stared up in terror at a metal giant, who seemed to be regarding me with surprise. I rolled onto my knees and tried to run, but huge fingers plucked me easily off the ground. I suddenly found my voice again and began screaming in earnest.

Glowing red lenses narrowed as I dangled in front of them. "If you don't show your true form, Autobot, I shall crush your pet insect," the thing declared and finally, the niggling feeling of recognition flared into understanding.

Autobots were from that cartoon Adam was always babbling about. He was right, the paranoid, obsessive little twerp had been right. The giant alien robots were real. I swallowed as another bit of realization struck home. The alien thought my car was going to turn into a giant robot too, and it wasn't. My car was just that: a car. I silently vowed to kill Adam if I survived. Just then, headlights illuminated us both. The alien turned to watch a battered pink truck slowly roll down the road, playing a familiar tune. The alien looked bewildered as the truck puttered to a stop, still playing its eerie melody. Ice cream truck, I thought numbly. It was the same ugly pink ice cream truck that had cut me off earlier. Apparently the driver hadn't suddenly become any smarter.

"Yo, you want some iiiiicccce crrrreeeeeaaam, bitch?" Drawled a voice over the truck's speakers. The truck shuddered and broke in half. As I watched, the two halves began reshaping themselves into two robots just over seven feet tall. The two stared up at the much larger robot with grins. I wondered if any of them would notice if I fainted, but honestly I was too scared to even escape this nightmare that way.

A hysterical mirthless giggle escaped my lips and then all hell broke loose. On of the short robots that had comprised the ice cream truck threw itself bodily at the tall one. It flailed and went down and I found myself free falling. I slammed heavily into the ground and my vision flared painfully white before fading to darkness. I heard metal slamming against metal and raised voices, and then nothing.

* * *

I came to lying on my stomach on cold metal, my cheek pressed against the dirty floor. I slowly became aware that I was moving. I lifted my head and grunted as my vision went pain-white again. I held still until my head cleared and the nausea passed. I carefully and miserably surveyed my surrounding, trying to figure out where I was and how I'd gotten there. I remembered being rear-ended, but everything else was a blur. I seemed to be in the back of a vehicle, though it was so dim I couldn't figure out what kind.

I became aware of voices. "I don't thee why we had to take it with uth…" grumbled one disembodied voice, its lisp making it hard to understand. "Ith dirty and ith leakin'."

I laid my head back down against the cool metal and it helped the pounding of my head.

"You stupid glitch, Prime'd slag our afts if we left it there. We supposed to be all friendly wit da humans, bro," argued a second voice. "Ain't good PR leavin' it to die inna ditch."

I wondered vaguely who or what they were talking about.

"Well, what we thuppothed to do with it?" Snarled the first voice. "We gonna catch pit if we take it back with uth. Wathn't thuppothed to fight Thidewayth, no-how."

"Shut up, I'm thinkin'."

"Thath a firth."

"Shut yo, mouth!"

"Make me!"

The vehicle I was riding in shuddered violently and I couldn't even muster a sound of protest as it cracked in half, dumping me in the dirt. The sun temporarily blinded me as I bemusedly watched the two halves roll around on two wheels each to face each other. I wasn't sure why I felt so blissfully content as I lay in the dirt watching the two parts rearrange themselves into two seven foot tall bipeds. My memory stirred. I remembered being upside down. My car had… flipped over? I seemed to recall something to that extent.

One of the bipeds shoved the other and I watched as the other shoved back. Soon, they were punching and clawing at each other. Perhaps, because of my currently addled and confusedly-happy state of mind, I laughed, the sound a strange croaking sound that issued between my chapped lips. The two hesitated and stared at me. I laughed again and then coughed. My mouth filled with a sharp metal taste.

One of them crouched in front of me. He seemed to have a gold-tooth embossed with the scowling serious face. I watched two rounded panels on his head shift. Ears? His eyes(?) were blue glowing lenses and I watched him scrutinize me narrowly.

"I think we broke it," the seven foot robot commented dryly. "Yo, you broke?" He demanded.

I grinned, the expression painful. "You got… funny ears," I drawled, the words painful and strained. I smiled dumbly. "Like an elephant…"

His look alike with the lisp joined him and put his face in his palm. "Prime'th gonna be pithed," he commented.

"You dissing us?" Snapped the other, more amused than angry. "What's an elephant?"

"You can be-can be anything... in the world," I commented as I rested my head against the ground. "Take any shape… and you… you- chose that ugly-ass ice-ice cream truck…"

"Yeah, the'th dithing uth." I felt fingers slide around my middle and I was abruptly lifted off the ground. I stared dimly at the one with lisp, the one who'd picked me up. A strained pain sound escaped me. "What we thuppothed to do now?"

The other scratched his chin thoughtfully. "Can't leave her loopy ass here. Get in trouble for it." The two stared at each other. Finally the one not holding me, waved a hand in front of my face to get my limited and fuzzy attention. "Yo, fruit-loop. Ya wanna go for a ride?"

"You-you have… any of that… what'sitscalledits… Tylenol?" I managed. Something in the back of my mind was jumping up and down and frantically waving its arms for attention, but I was too muddled to figure out what it was. _Everything_ hurt…

The two exchanged a look. "Sure, we do."

"Of courth," the other agreed amiably.

"Good," I mumbled as I yawned. "I got… one hell of a… headache…" I drifted off again, hearing the robots muttering about how much trouble they were in.

* * *

Afterword: Just a short rambling that occurred to me. If people like it, I might continue. D -Wide Spread Panic out.


	2. Ch2: Lost and Found

Disclaimer: Wide Spread Panic doesn't own The Transformers, of course. Nor does she own any of the businesses or items mentioned within. This is but a work of fiction…

Author's note: A random little one-shot inspired by the Chevy twins from TF: ROTF. This has nothing whatsoever to do with any of my other stories, but the plot-bunny refused to leave me alone. It was meant to be a one-shot, but I've been asked to continue it, so here we go.

Synopsis: There seemed to be a slight misunderstanding in the first chapter, so I'll try to clear that up. The main character never removed the bumper sticker (which was in fact the Autobot faction symbol) her friend Adam attached to her car. –skkkkt- When she accidentally backed her car into the recharging Sideways, he came online with an Autobot symbol staring him in the face. –skkkkt- He assumes it's a particularly dumb and cocky Autobot and pursues what is in fact a normal car. He's so enraged he doesn't even bother scanning the energy readings to see if it _is_ an Autobot or not. When the main character's car (of course) doesn't transform or respond when addressed, Sideways thinks it's mocking him and becomes even angrier. Hope that clears –skttt-a –skkkkkkkt-

"Who'th awethome?"

"Yo, 'sup? You got it, bro?"

"Yeth, we ith live, baby. Hacked the tranthmithion. Ain't nuthin' to it. Po ath, human tech don't thand a chanthe againth our thuperior intellecth."

"You hearin' us, organics? Freakin' author gonna yap all day. We can't have all that."

"Ith our thory, hear? The twinth ith in the houthe."

"True dat. Let's get this party started."

* * *

Ch2: Lost and Found

I found myself waking up yet again in a dark moving place. The only blessing being that my head was much clearer this go round. The pain was still there, blurring the edges of my vision when I weakly lifted my head. I forced myself to sit up and doubled over almost instantly and collapsed onto my side. I rolled over onto my back and stared at the featureless metal ceiling. Nothing had ever hurt like this did. I'd had broken bones before, but that was nothing compared to this. I wondered dimly if my skull was fractured, or if I had a concussion. It seemed like I'd hit my head, but every time I tried to latch onto the memory, it skittered away, always just out of reach. Sounds slowly seeped into my limited awareness. The puttering of an engine and arguing voices. The voices made me tremble, something stirred in the back of my mind. I knew the voices from somewhere and I was fairly sure I didn't like them.

"Admit yo thorry ath ith loth."

"We ain't lost. I just ain't sure where we is," snapped another voice.

"Then we loth," insisted the first voice with a smug tone.

A strange symbol like a glaring face came to mind, then faded. Something important, but I couldn't figure out what. I wondered how I'd gotten in the truck. I'd wrecked my car… hadn't I? It wasn't an ambulance, I decided. Maybe I was being kidnapped.

"_Yo, fruit-loop. Ya wanna go for a ride?" _Who had said that? I wondered as the words came to mind. Someone had, I was sure of that much.

"Who's the brains of this outfit? Me. That's who. Don't make me pull over and open a can o' whoop ass on ya."

"Ooh. I'm thakin'. I'll kick yo ath." The vehicle shuddered in a familiar way. "Kick yo thorry ath all the way back to Thybertron."

Aliens. Aliens and Auto-somethings. I struggled for the memory and sat upright again. My head instantly swam and my stomach heaved. I doubled over and retched. The reaction was immediate and violent. The vehicle slammed on the brakes and snapped in half. Both halved tipped down at the break and I landed on my back on pavement. I grunted as I hit my head. I seemed to hit my head a lot lately. It was night and I stared at the moon and stars high overhead.

"Oh,_ hell_ no. I_ know_ ya just didn't do that! That is _not cool_," The owner of the voice suddenly loomed over me, blocking my view of the sky. Ice cream truck, but not an ice cream truck, I thought as the seven foot biped shook a finger at me and cursed. I was reminded of someone reprimanding a disobedient dog. "That shit ain't _even_ cool. That is _nasty_, man. Not cool!" The robot stalked off, swearing and shaking its fist at me. I watched it shake its head at me.

A second robot leaned over me. "That wath real groth," it said, not seeming nearly upset as its companion. "Courth, ya yakked in hith interior, not mine," it added with a shrug.

"In my_ interior_, man! Ya _don't_ do that!" His companion continued ranting from a distance. "All up in my interior wit you're nasty human nastiness!"

"Thath gonna thmell like thit," the one standing over me called out to the other helpfully.

The other stared at the one with the lisp in silence, before shaking a finger at him as well. "I ain't even talkin' to ya. Ain't talkin' to _either_ of ya. Ya'll is sick, muthas." He trailed off, muttering furiously.

"You're aliens," I commented, as the thought occurred to me. I tried, unsuccessfully, to sit up.

The one with the lisp grabbed my shoulder and hauled me none too gently into a sitting position. "And you're a geniuth. I'm Mudflap."

"What happened to my car?" I asked. I reached up to touch my face and felt something sticky. I pulled my fingers away and stared at the red on their tips. "What happened to me?"

"Yo stupid ass, went runnin' around playin' at being an Autobot and done messed with the wrong Decepticon," snarled the angry one as he stalked back over, choosing to forgo his decision to not talk to us. "Ya better hope that comes out. I'm gonna whoop yo ass if that smell don't come out my interior. I'm Skids and that's Mudflap."

"I thaid I'm Mudflap," snapped the one with the lisp. He seemed to roll the blue lenses that were his eyes at me. "We twinth."

My mind seemed to be getting clearer and clearer, but nothing was making sense. "Where am I? What do you want with me?" I asked, my voice growing stronger and shriller with fear. "Why'd you kidnap me?"

"We saved yo ass. Ya better show a little respect," growled the one named Skids and he shook a fist.

"I think her head ith thill methed up," commented Mudflap. He reached out to tap me on the head. "Yo, anybody home?"

I recoiled from his touch, scooting backwards on all fours. I tried to make sense of it all. I had been rescued (kidnapped) by a deranged alien ice cream truck. I shook my head. "I hit my head too many times," I said finally, my tone almost desperate. The twin aliens eyed me skeptically. Mudflap twirled a finger beside his head. "I knocked myself loopy when I wrecked my car. None of this is real," I said, my conviction increasing as I kept talking. "I bet I'm laid up in an emergency room somewhere doped up on pain meds. Yeah, I'm having a real bad reaction to the meds." I looked at the aliens desperately.

"Hate to burst yo bubble, fruit loop, but ya ain't in no hospital," Skids said and he grinned savagely. "We real. Deal with it."

"You can't be real," I insisted, refusing to give up.

Mudflap leaned down in my face, making me flinch back. He reached out and casually flicked a finger against my forehead. I yelped and grabbed my head. "Hurth don't it? Thith ain't no dream. We need to move before Thidewayth findth uth. He'th pithed."

"Then again," drawled Skids. "We could just let him have yo stupid ass. See how real it is then."

I chose to ignore him. "What happened to my car?" I asked again, looking from one twin to the other. "Take me back to my car and we'll pretend none of this happened. I can keep a secret." I hated the amount of desperation in my own voice.

"Thidewayth fell on that ugly thing and thmoothed it." He smirked and added in a conspiratorial tone, "I puthed hith hath and he fell all over it."

"Smooshed like flat?" I asked with a sinking feeling.

"Like a pancake," Skids said with a certain amount of amusement.

"There a different kind of thmoothed?"

I pulled my knees against my chest and wrapped my arms around them. I eyed them warily and rested my chin on top of my knees. "This is Adam's fault," I said, decisively. The twins stared at me in incomprehension. The two exchanged a look and Mudflap shrugged.

The throaty rumbling of an engine filled the air and the twins shuffled around in agitation. As I watched, they seemed to fold in on themselves, rearranging into the separate components that made up the truck and then backing toward each other until they combined to make the ice cream truck. The back of the truck swung open expectantly. I stared at it warily.

I stood up shakily and toyed with the idea of running for safety.

The truck began playing its obnoxious music. "Get yo aft over here," came across the speakers over the sound of the jingle. "You don't wanna make me come over there an' get ya."

I decided that my odds of escaping weren't too good. I was sure I couldn't outrun them normally, let alone in my current state and if they were telling the truth and the big silver and black alien was still angry it wouldn't hurt to have some protection. I limped over to the truck miserably, but hesitated at the open door.

I kissed my dignity goodbye and I gave the truck the most pitiful look I could muster. "Do I have to ride in the back?"

"Ya gonna yak in our interior again?" Snarled what sounded like Skids over the speaker. "Ya ain't doin' that on the upholstery, ya hearin' me? I'll hand yo ass to Sideways _personally. _Gift wrapped."

"I won't," I mumbled and I tried to look sorry and innocent. At least, I would try not to, I amended silently.

After a minute, the passenger door swung open. I climbed in slowly, wrinkling my nose at the musty smell of the truck's interior. I wasn't sure why they were so concerned over their upholstery. I didn't see how they could even notice another stain on the seats. I sat down gingerly and collapsed back against the seat, dirt or no dirt. The truck rumbled to life, puttering and growling. I watched the shifter swing into gear by itself with unease and eyed the empty driver's seat.

The sound of the other engine grew louder and then we were illuminated with unnaturally bright head lights. The car slowed to a stop in the middle of the road and I saw it was the too familiar silver and black car. I reached shakily for the seatbelt and yanked it across me. The silver and black car, Sideways, lowered his front bumper, his back end rising. It reminded me of a large cat getting ready to pounce. I noticed the car looked much more battered than before, presumably due to the twins.

"I think he thill pithed," noted the disembodied voice of Mudflap.

"Nah, what make's ya think that?" His twin countered sarcastically.

Sideways' engine roared angrily and he suddenly charged, transforming into his giant bipedal form as he approached. The twins both cursed and lurched into reverse, tires squealing in protest at the sudden acceleration. I grabbed the dash and just managed to avoid smacking my head again. I screamed. The seatbelt tightened and the truck swung around abruptly and raced away from the furious Sideways.

"AUTOBOT SCUM!" Roared the chilling voice of Sideways from behind us.

I didn't know where we were, out in the middle of nowhere it looked like. All scraggly bushes and highway markers that blurred past far too quickly to make out. At any rate, I was far more interested in the car chasing us, than to bother with sight-seeing. He was gaining. Even with the truck's unnatural speed, the European style car was gaining. I dug my nails into the seat's upholstery and kept my eyes glued to the battered side-view mirror on my side.

A side panel of the car folded in on itself to reveal what looked like… missiles? As realization dawned, I began to scream all over again.

"Oh, thit," Mudflap commented. "We thcrewed."

* * *

Author's note: well, you guys wanted me to continue... X3 please, review and thanks for reading!


	3. Ch3: From Bad to Worse

Disclaimer: Wide Spread Panic doesn't own The Transformers, of course. Nor does she own any of the businesses or items mentioned within. This is but a work of fiction…

Author's note: Rating is for Chevy twins' bad-mouthing. Okay, so I've had a couple of reviewers say that they're having some trouble understanding Mudflap with his lisp… but I like writing it, because it amuses me (the whole point of the story). So, I've decided that I'll compromise. The chapters may seem extremely long, but it's because I've written the chapter in the same format as previous chapters. If you don't like or are having trouble understanding Mudflap, scroll down until you spot the Autobot and Decepticon logo composed of typing characters (kudos to whoever created those btw) from that point on, you'll find the same chapter in its entirety, but sans-lisp.

* * *

Ch.3: From Bad to Worse

I've never really considered myself a particularly brave person, but neither would I have labeled myself a coward. I was neither a thrill seeker, nor would I allow myself to be trampled under other people's decisions. Of course, preconceived notions of myself aside, I wasn't ashamed as I screamed as if I was being slowly and methodically murdered. Over the sound of my shrieking, I could hear the obnoxiously innocuous melody the deranged ice cream truck was still playing and over even that, the stream of profanity and insults that were pouring over the truck's speakers.

"Get off our ath, ya thick perverted mutha!"

"Gonna whoop ya!"

The black and silver car, that like my current ride was hardly what it seemed, didn't seem very impressed. Instead of yelling back, it launched one of its missiles. The truck swerved erratically, and a mailbox on the side of the road exploded. It slowly dawned on my less than lucid mind, that we were heading back into a residential area. I dug my nails into the truck's upholstery as we rounded a corner on two wheels, and instantly felt the seatbelt tighten warningly.

"He won't shake!" I heard the one that'd called himself Skids snarl furiously. "Yo, evasive maneuvers!"

The alien behind us, the one called Sideways, didn't seem overly concerned about whether he hit us or houses. A parked Volkswagen exploded in a fireball to our left as we raced past. He'd apparently decided quantity of projectiles was more important than quality of aim and began firing wildly. Pavement, parked vehicles, and other roadside debris were blown to bits around us. The only good thought my horrified and strained mind could conjure, was that no one seemed to be on the road. I guess it was late; I had already lost all sense of time.

The twins' cooperative skills seemed uncertain to me, so maybe that was why it happened. Skids, the front of the truck from what I could tell, cut his wheels right and Mudflap cut left. The truck broke in half, each half cart wheeling end over end from their momentum. Trapped in the truck's cabin, I clenched my eyes shut and held on to the battered seat for all I was worth. That didn't stop the seatbelt from releasing of its own volition, or for me to go flying as Skids transformed suddenly and without warning around me. I landed in a tangle of limbs in a ditch full of stagnant water.

"What's yo problem?" Skids snarled, advancing on his twin and shoving him. "Ya gotta follow my lead, I say zig, you zig!"

"Whatchu talkin' about? You didn't thay nuthin' bout no ziggin.' You didn't thay nuthin!'" Mudflap countered, shoving back.

Behind them, a very un-amused Sideways approached, his headlights blinding and his engine roaring.

I clawed my way out of the ditch, in time to see the twins stop arguing and begin firing madly at Sideways. The silver and black alien transformed smoothly and landed in a crouch, its teeth bared as it lunged at Mudflap. The twins spun out of his reach, still firing.

"Goin' down, ya ugly thlagger!" Mudflap crowed as he tried to sneak behind the larger alien.

"Nothin' left but spare parts time we're done," Skids added.

Sideways moved in sudden blur of motion, seizing Skids by the neck and tossing him easily back. "Brave words from the miniature scrap heaps," he hissed his voice low and heavily malicious.

"I know he just didn't," Skids snarled in incredulous tones.

I kept close to the ground, trying my best to not present an easy target. I wanted to try to run, but at the same time I couldn't drag myself away from the fight. A sort of morbid fascination held me in its grip. Sideways' weapons seemed to do far more damage than the twins, but he wasn't having much luck actually hitting them. Their smaller statures made them hard targets and they could move much faster than the larger alien.

A low rumble made me turn my head. Further up the road, a car had turned and was headed toward us. I tensed as the engine revved and I got ready to bolt for safety. On top of the new car, lights suddenly began to flash and a loud siren barked a couple of times, getting the attention of the combatants. Police car, I thought in a sudden frenzy. I found myself lurching to my feet, waving my arms frantically over my head to try and flag down the officer behind the wheel. His headlights were unnecessarily bright and they along with the flashing bar on top were blinding me. I still stumbled for the car though, thoughts of rescue from this whole mess prominent in my mind.

"Come back here, shtupid!" I heard one of the twins yell suddenly, but I ignored whoever it was.

"That ain't no po-po!" Yelled the other twin, but it was already too late.

I had gotten close enough to see past the glaring lights and I could see there was no driver behind the wheel. A sound halfway between a wail and a groan escaped my lips as the police car began shifting and rising up mere feet from me. My head tipped back to stare at the two glowing red lenses staring disgustedly down at me. One of the new alien's arms pulled back as if he intended to swat me, but before it could something plowed into me from behind knocking the wind out of me.

"Shtupid, ya wanna die?!" Snarled Mudflap in my ear as he ran with my suddenly limp body thrown over one shoulder. Dirt and concrete exploded upwards around us, as an infuriated Sideways gave chase.

Skids lurched in front of us, leaping and transforming and the passenger side door swung open. I was tossed inside like a ragdoll, banging my shoulder and leg, and Mudflap transformed and combined with his twin. We were moving again and I struggled to sit up.

"If we survive this, I'm personally gonna kill ya!" Skids' voice snapped at me. "Gonna string yo sorry butt up like a piñata and beat the hell outta ya!"

"What were ya thinkin' shtupid?"

Missiles and projectiles exploded all around us and in the rearview mirror, I watched both of the other aliens transform to come after us. I pulled my legs up against my chest and closed my eyes. I dug my nails into the seat, already heedless of the earlier warning.

The ice cream truck was much faster than it looked, but every now and then, it rocked as a missile grazed or hit it. One or both twins would snarl and cuss with every hit. Underneath me, I could feel the truck begin to shake and I wondered dimly how many hits they could take. How many was too many?

We lurched off the main road and across three lanes of traffic, a battered pink truck, a silver and black sports car, and a police cruiser. We crashed over the median, bouncing through the grass and pulled into a tunnel that wound through a hillside with a squeal of tires. The other two had a little more difficulty crossing the median and that gave us precious time. We tore out of the tunnel to find ourselves faced with a bridge that spanned a lake. He twins skidded to an ungainly stop, nearly throwing me into the floor board. The door flew open and I was tossed onto the concrete. I climbed unsteadily to my feet as the twins both transformed. Mudflap seized me roughly by the back of my shirt and he and Skids both darted to one side of the bridge. I was an older metal bridge consisting of diamond shaped struts and as I slowly realized what they had in mind, I began screaming. Two huge metal fingers clamped over my face and then, they jumped off the side of the bridge, me in tow.

Skids managed to grab a hold of one of the struts as he fell, and he caught Mudflap by an ankle with his free hand. I dangled from the lisping twins' grip as he hung upside down and only his grip on me kept me from screaming as we swung freely over the black water so far below. It had all taken seconds, but felt like a lifetime to me, but in the next instant, two vehicles thundered past on the bridge, one with lights flashing. We hung there for a while, before they felt safe enough to break their silence.

"Dumb ath," Mudflap commented, sounding pleased. I clawed at his fingers, unable to breath and he loosened his grip a little as he noticed. "My bad. Ya little guyth like air, huh?"

I gasped and heaved in fresh air.

We fell into silence. Tentatively, Mudflap broke it. "How we gettin' down from here?"

"I ain't got no idea," Skids conceded after a moment.

We hung there.

"Well, thit."

Skids squirmed. "My arms gonna disconnect," he hissed. "Maybe I can swing ya up."

Mudflap looked doubtful. "I juth know ya gonna drop me," he muttered.

"I ain't gonna drop ya."

"Are too. Gonna hurt too."

"Shut up," Skids growled and he began trying to swing Mudflap. Since I was attached to that particular twin, I swung too. I squeaked in fear as the dark water moved sickeningly back and forth below us. I wrapped my arms around one of his arms and clenched my eyes shut, pretending it was some particularly horrible ride. We swung in slowly wider arcs, until Skids abruptly let go. I screamed, as we fell a few feet, before Mudflap managed to grab a strut with one hand. We hung there, my arms and legs wrapped around him like some bizarre and desperate gecko.

He looked down at me and I stared back with wide panicked eyes. "Gotta let go. Can't climb," he said.

I shook my head frantically. He moved the arm I was attached to and I shrieked. "Nononono!"

"Juth grab my neck and hang on, fruit-loop," he said and he attempted to shake me off his arm. Seeing myself plummeting to my death if I didn't cooperate, I clawed my way up around his neck and practically wrapped myself around his head. "Thit, eathe up on the death grip."

We began to climb and it seemed to take forever, but finally we reached the top and climbed back onto the roadway. Skids had to pry my numb body off of his twin so they could transform, and I didn't complain as I was stuffed into the back this time. We drove off; me curled up against a wall of the truck, too nervous to sleep. At some point we came to a stop and exhaustion got the best of me, I fell into an uneasy sleep.

* * *

I woke up sprawled on my stomach in the sun. I sat up, momentarily panicking until I saw the twin aliens stretched out in the grass near a line of trees. I relaxed a little, disgusted with myself at being so worried that they'd abandoned me, but then again I had no money, no identification and I was so filthy no sane person would give me a ride. The sun was high overhead, so I must have been sleeping for some time. I surveyed our new surroundings and noticed they had pulled off the road behind an old gas station that appeared to have been closed for some time. Casting furtive glances at the aliens, I wandered over to the square building. I circled it slowly, peering in the dirty windows. An idea occurred to me.

I raced back to where my companions were sleeping or whatever it was alien robots did. I stumbled to a halt in front of Mudflap and cleared my throat. When he didn't respond, I hesitantly pushed against one of his huge feet. His blue optics lit up and he sat up to lean over me.

"Whath up?"

I opened my mouth and shut it. I gathered my courage and tried again. "Can you open the door to the building?" I asked, hating how shaky and timid my voice was.

The alien rocked onto his feet and shrugged. "I gueth. What for?"

"I need…" I fidgeted. "There might be running water and I need to, um, I need…" I trailed off, at a loss as to how to go about explaining human needs to the alien.

He peered at me, before walking over to the gas station with me trailing behind him on his heels like an expectant puppy. He crouched down to examine the doors and then gripped the handles and easily ripped the doors free of the hinges. I waited for some kind of security alarm, but nothing happened. I offered Mudflap a wary smile and darted inside.

The floor was covered in a thick layer of dust and what I was sure was rat feces. I cringed and tried to flip on the light switch, but the power had been cut off. I wandered through the small building, until I found the rest room and I pushed the door open. It was dark and unnerving, but I was desperate. I jumped when I saw movement, until I realized it was just my reflection. I stared at my dark doppelganger in horror. A large greenish bruise covered one side of my face and there was a shallow laceration running from my nose down my chin. My skin was dark with caked on mud and grime and my short hair was matted with grass and twigs and dirt. I made a small sound of misery. I yanked a little angrily at the knobs of the sink and cursed as the pipes clunked uncooperatively, before issuing a slow trickled of brownish water.

I was starving and thirsty, dirty and tired. I heaved a little put-upon sigh and cupped my hand together to catch some of the muddy water and sniffed at it, as if I could detect any bacteria that might kill me by smell. Finally, I gave in and drank it. It was cold and bitter, but it was water and I needed it.

How long had it been since I'd had any water? Since I'd eaten? Since this whole mess had started? I had no idea and that was truly chilling. I had no idea how much time I'd lost. I turned toward the toilet and grimaced anew. When the building had closed, no one had bothered cleaning that.

* * *

Disgruntled, but feeling better, I made my way back to where the aliens were lounging. Without a word, I sat down at Mudflap's feet.

"Ya shtink," he commented.

My stomach growled and I wrapped my arms around myself. He tipped his head to one side, his "ears" swiveling up. "Ya makin' weird ath thoundth."

"Hungry," I mumbled.

Skids sat up, pausing to glower at me in a way that let me know I wasn't his favorite person in the world. I guessed he was still angry over the vomiting thing. "Go get ya some fuel then, stupid," he said. I wondered if he'd forgotten his promise to punish me for my stupidity, or if he'd even meant it.

"I don't have any money," I replied, nearly too low to be heard, but they heard.

"Money? Whath that?"

"I know where there's money," Skids said suddenly. "I heard Epps talkin' one time, bout needin' to go get some money outta a-a ATN or somethin' like that," he added. I wondered who this Epps person was and what he had to do with the aliens.

"ATM," I corrected quietly.

* * *

We stayed behind the station until the sun set and then they transformed and waited for me to climb into the passenger side, before heading off again. I wondered if they knew where they were going, or if they just wandered around, fighting the other aliens. The twins certainly didn't seem too organized.

We drove into a small community and up into the lot of a bank that was off the main road. We pulled up alongside the little ATM machine and parked. Mudflap separated from his brother and transformed, walking around to crouch in front of the machine. I stared warily at the little security camera built into the machine, but reasoned that he had to know it was there, it certainly wasn't hidden. He reached out and pressed his hands against the machine. Smaller components and manipulators unfolded from his fingers and he fiddled with the machine in silence. I couldn't tell what he was doing, but alien symbols began scrolling across the screen and it began spewing bills of various denominations in a bizarre parody of a winning slot machine. Mudflap seized a handful and shoved it in the front of the truck with me. I grabbed handfuls and stared wordlessly. That could be a very useful talent, I decided.

Mudflap circled back around to rejoin his twin and we pulled away, the machine still merrily disgorging bills.

* * *

McDonalds. French fries so greasy they ought to be illegal. That was my singular goal as we wandered through the town, until we found one of the little fast food places. The aliens didn't seem too keen on letting me go inside alone and I honestly doubted they'd serve me food, money or no money with my appearance. So we opted for the drive-thru. I noticed the clearance sign first, or at least commented first.

"Will you guys fit?" I asked, trying to picture how tall the truck was.

"We got thith," Mudflap muttered.

We pulled up. I heard a screeching metallic sound and a low thunk. We came to a sudden stop. The engine revved and the truck attempted to move forward again. Nothing happened.

I stared at my hands, fighting the insane urge to say I told you so, as another car pulled up behind us and blocked us in. I coughed to cover up a snicker.

"Damn," Skids muttered. Behind us, the car's driver honked impatiently.

"Thcrew thith," Mudflap growled. The truck's engine roared. Without any warning, the engine revved and we lurched forward, the sign snapping off on top of the truck and we bounced awkwardly over the little concrete barrier and onto the road. The twins drove on in irritable silence, while I struggled to not say anything and to especially not laugh.

We drove up to one end of the little town that seemed pretty much abandoned. This side of the town looked to be the city square and aside from a lit up little theater, there was no activity. We pulled around and down a side road sheltered by tall old buildings and I was unceremoniously ordered out. The two transformed, Mudflap awkwardly.

The sign was still attached to him, now wedged into the armor on his shoulders and hung up on the truck's ice cream truck.

Skids grabbed me by the back of my shirt and hauled me up to eye level. "Listen up, fruit-loop. Make yo useless ass useful. Go stand at the end of the road and play watch," he ordered and I was dropped back onto my feet. I stumbled and shot him a grouchy look, before wandering a few feet away. The street was largely empty, with only a single red car parked nearby. It was the kind of road you always hated going down, because your imagination always spawned plenty of muggers and thieves waiting in every shadow.

I glanced over one shoulder to watch Skids attempt to yank the sign off Mudflap.

"Ow. OW. Dude, watch it! That hurth!"

"Quit whining!"

"I ain't whinin'… that freakin' hurth!" Mudflap shoved Skids' hands away and I shook my head as the two instantly began grappling and swinging at each other.

I turned back to my appointed task in disgust and just in time for the worst possible thing to happen. I suppose the theater had just let out. There wasn't much I could have done anyway, but that didn't stop me from trying. Two women around my own age suddenly stepped from around the corner and into our street. One was slightly older than the other with short curly hair and she was sipping at a soda, the other was taller and thinner and munching on popcorn. Both of them were smiling and laughing until they saw the fighting twins.

I began frantically shaking my head and trying to signal them to run, but they didn't even look at my pitiful attempts to telegraph them to flee.

The older one dropped her soda and it splattered all over her pants leg. The younger girl's mouth gaped open, half-chewed popcorn falling from her lips. Slowly, she raised one arm to point and I groaned in defeat.

She proceeded to scream at the top of her lungs.

**l=lVl=l  
l=l l=l  
\l H l/  
AUTOBOTS**

**l\ .M. /l****  
\l=V=l/  
l\lVl/l  
DECEPTICONS**

Ch.3: From Bad to Worse

I've never really considered myself a particularly brave person, but neither would I have labeled myself a coward. I was neither a thrill seeker, nor would I allow myself to be trampled under other people's decisions. Of course, preconceived notions of myself aside, I wasn't ashamed as I screamed as if I was being slowly and methodically murdered. Over the sound of my shrieking, I could hear the obnoxiously innocuous melody the deranged ice cream truck was still playing and over even that, the stream of profanity and insults that were pouring over the truck's speakers.

"Get off our ass, ya sick perverted mutha!"

"Gonna whoop ya!"

The black and silver car, that like my current ride was hardly what it seemed, didn't seem very impressed. Instead of yelling back, it launched one of its missiles. The truck swerved erratically, and a mailbox on the side of the road exploded. It slowly dawned on my less than lucid mind, that we were heading back into a residential area. I dug my nails into the truck's upholstery as we rounded a corner on two wheels, and instantly felt the seatbelt tighten warningly.

"He won't shake!" I heard the one that'd called himself Skids snarl furiously. "Yo, evasive maneuvers!"

The alien behind us, the one called Sideways, didn't seem overly concerned about whether he hit us or houses. A parked Volkswagen exploded in a fireball to our left as we raced past. He'd apparently decided quantity of projectiles was more important than quality of aim and began firing wildly. Pavement, parked vehicles, and other roadside debris were blown to bits around us. The only good thought my horrified and strained mind could conjure, was that no one seemed to be on the road. I guess it was late; I had already lost all sense of time.

The twins' cooperative skills seemed uncertain to me, so maybe that was why it happened. Skids, the front of the truck from what I could tell, cut his wheels right and Mudflap cut left. The truck broke in half, each half cart wheeling end over end from their momentum. Trapped in the truck's cabin, I clenched my eyes shut and held on to the battered seat for all I was worth. That didn't stop the seatbelt from releasing of its own volition, or for me to go flying as Skids transformed suddenly and without warning around me. I landed in a tangle of limbs in a ditch full of stagnant water.

"What's yo problem?" Skids snarled, advancing on his twin and shoving him. "Ya gotta follow my lead, I say zig, you zig!"

"Whatchu talkin' about? You didn't say nuthin' bout no ziggin.' You didn't say nuthin!'" Mudflap countered, shoving back.

Behind them, a very un-amused Sideways approached, his headlights blinding and his engine roaring.

I clawed my way out of the ditch, in time to see the twins stop arguing and begin firing madly at Sideways. The silver and black alien transformed smoothly and landed in a crouch, its teeth bared as it lunged at Mudflap. The twins spun out of his reach, still firing.

"Goin' down, ya ugly slagger!" Mudflap crowed as he tried to sneak behind the larger alien.

"Nothin' left but spare parts time we're done," Skids added.

Sideways moved in sudden blur of motion, seizing Skids by the neck and tossing him easily back. "Brave words from the miniature scrap heaps," he hissed his voice low and heavily malicious.

"I know he just didn't," Skids snarled in incredulous tones.

I kept close to the ground, trying my best to not present an easy target. I wanted to try to run, but at the same time I couldn't drag myself away from the fight. A sort of morbid fascination held me in its grip. Sideways' weapons seemed to do far more damage than the twins, but he wasn't having much luck actually hitting them. Their smaller statures made them hard targets and they could move much faster than the larger alien.

A low rumble made me turn my head. Further up the road, a car had turned and was headed toward us. I tensed as the engine revved and I got ready to bolt for safety. On top of the new car, lights suddenly began to flash and a loud siren barked a couple of times, getting the attention of the combatants. Police car, I thought in a sudden frenzy. I found myself lurching to my feet, waving my arms frantically over my head to try and flag down the officer behind the wheel. His headlights were unnecessarily bright and they along with the flashing bar on top were blinding me. I still stumbled for the car though, thoughts of rescue from this whole mess prominent in my mind.

"Come back here, stupid!" I heard one of the twins yell suddenly, but I ignored whoever it was.

"That ain't no po-po!" Yelled the other twin, but it was already too late.

I had gotten close enough to see past the glaring lights and I could see there was no driver behind the wheel. A sound halfway between a wail and a groan escaped my lips as the police car began shifting and rising up mere feet from me. My head tipped back to stare at the two glowing red lenses staring disgustedly down at me. One of the new alien's arms pulled back as if he intended to swat me, but before it could something plowed into me from behind knocking the wind out of me.

"Stupid, ya wanna die?!" Snarled Mudflap in my ear as he ran with my suddenly limp body thrown over one shoulder. Dirt and concrete exploded upwards around us, as an infuriated Sideways gave chase.

Skids lurched in front of us, leaping and transforming and the passenger side door swung open. I was tossed inside like a ragdoll, banging my shoulder and leg, and Mudflap transformed and combined with his twin. We were moving again and I struggled to sit up.

"If we survive this, I'm personally gonna kill ya!" Skids' voice snapped at me. "Gonna string yo sorry butt up like a piñata and beat the hell outta ya!"

"What were ya thinkin' stupid?"

Missiles and projectiles exploded all around us and in the rearview mirror, I watched both of the other aliens transform to come after us. I pulled my legs up against my chest and closed my eyes. I dug my nails into the seat, already heedless of the earlier warning.

The ice cream truck was much faster than it looked, but every now and then, it rocked as a missile grazed or hit it. One or both twins would snarl and cuss with every hit. Underneath me, I could feel the truck begin to shake and I wondered dimly how many hits they could take. How many was too many?

We lurched off the main road and across three lanes of traffic, a battered pink truck, a silver and black sports car, and a police cruiser. We crashed over the median, bouncing through the grass and pulled into a tunnel that wound through a hillside with a squeal of tires. The other two had a little more difficulty crossing the median and that gave us precious time. We tore out of the tunnel to find ourselves faced with a bridge that spanned a lake. He twins skidded to an ungainly stop, nearly throwing me into the floor board. The door flew open and I was tossed onto the concrete. I climbed unsteadily to my feet as the twins both transformed. Mudflap seized me roughly by the back of my shirt and he and Skids both darted to one side of the bridge. I was an older metal bridge consisting of diamond shaped struts and as I slowly realized what they had in mind, I began screaming. Two huge metal fingers clamped over my face and then, they jumped off the side of the bridge, me in tow.

Skids managed to grab a hold of one of the struts as he fell, and he caught Mudflap by an ankle with his free hand. I dangled from the lisping twins' grip as he hung upside down and only his grip on me kept me from screaming as we swung freely over the black water so far below. It had all taken seconds, but felt like a lifetime to me, but in the next instant, two vehicles thundered past on the bridge, one with lights flashing. We hung there for a while, before they felt safe enough to break their silence.

"Dumb ass," Mudflap commented, sounding pleased. I clawed at his fingers, unable to breath and he loosened his grip a little as he noticed. "My bad. Ya little guys like air, huh?"

I gasped and heaved in fresh air.

We fell into silence. Tentatively, Mudflap broke it. "How we gettin' down from here?"

"I ain't got no idea," Skids conceded after a moment.

We hung there.

"Well, shit."

Skids squirmed. "My arms gonna disconnect," he hissed. "Maybe I can swing ya up."

Mudflap looked doubtful. "I just know ya gonna drop me," he muttered.

"I ain't gonna drop ya."

"Are too. Gonna hurt."

"Shut up," Skids growled and he began trying to swing Mudflap. Since I was attached to that particular twin, I swung too. I squeaked in fear as the dark water moved sickeningly back and forth below us. I wrapped my arms around one of his arms and clenched my eyes shut, pretending it was some particularly horrible ride. We swung in slowly wider arcs, until Skids abruptly let go. I screamed, as we fell a few feet, before Mudflap managed to grab a strut with one hand. We hung there, my arms and legs wrapped around him like some bizarre and desperate gecko.

He looked down at me and I stared back with wide panicked eyes. "Gotta let go. Can't climb," he said.

I shook my head frantically. He moved the arm I was attached to and I shrieked. "Nononono!"

"Just grab my neck and hang on, fruit-loop," he said and he attempted to shake me off his arm. Seeing myself plummeting to my death if I didn't cooperate, I clawed my way up around his neck and practically wrapped myself around his head. "Shit, ease up on the death grip."

We began to climb and it seemed to take forever, but finally we reached the top and climbed back onto the roadway. Skids had to pry my numb body off of his twin so they could transform, and I didn't complain as I was stuffed into the back this time. We drove off; me curled up against a wall of the truck, too nervous to sleep. At some point we came to a stop and exhaustion got the best of me, I fell into an uneasy sleep.

* * *

I woke up sprawled on my stomach in the sun. I sat up, momentarily panicking until I saw the twin aliens stretched out in the grass near a line of trees. I relaxed a little, disgusted with myself at being so worried that they'd abandoned me, but then again I had no money, no identification and I was so filthy no sane person would give me a ride. The sun was high overhead, so I must have been sleeping for some time. I surveyed our new surroundings and noticed they had pulled off the road behind an old gas station that appeared to have been closed for some time. Casting furtive glances at the aliens, I wandered over to the square building. I circled it slowly, peering in the dirty windows. An idea occurred to me.

I raced back to where my companions were sleeping or whatever it was alien robots did. I stumbled to a halt in front of Mudflap and cleared my throat. When he didn't respond, I hesitantly pushed against one of his huge feet. His blue optics lit up and he sat up to lean over me.

"What's up?"

I opened my mouth and shut it. I gathered my courage and tried again. "Can you open the door to the building?" I asked, hating how shaky and timid my voice was.

The alien rocked onto his feet and shrugged. "I guess. What for?"

"I need…" I fidgeted. "There might be running water and I need to, um, I need…" I trailed off, at a loss as to how to go about explaining human needs to the alien.

He peered at me, before walking over to the gas station with me trailing behind him on his heels like an expectant puppy. He crouched down to examine the doors and then gripped the handles and easily ripped the doors free of the hinges. I waited for some kind of security alarm, but nothing happened. I offered Mudflap a wary smile and darted inside.

The floor was covered in a thick layer of dust and what I was sure was rat feces. I cringed and tried to flip on the light switch, but the power had been cut off. I wandered through the small building, until I found the rest room and I pushed the door open. It was dark and unnerving, but I was desperate. I jumped when I saw movement, until I realized it was just my reflection. I stared at my dark doppelganger in horror. A large greenish bruise covered one side of my face and there was a shallow laceration running from my nose down my chin. My skin was dark with caked on mud and grime and my short hair was matted with grass and twigs and dirt. I made a small sound of misery. I yanked a little angrily at the knobs of the sink and cursed as the pipes clunked uncooperatively, before issuing a slow trickled of brownish water.

I was starving and thirsty, dirty and tired. I heaved a little put-upon sigh and cupped my hand together to catch some of the muddy water and sniffed at it, as if I could detect any bacteria that might kill me by smell. Finally, I gave in and drank it. It was cold and bitter, but it was water and I needed it.

How long had it been since I'd had any water? Since I'd eaten? Since this whole mess had started? I had no idea and that was truly chilling. I had no idea how much time I'd lost. I turned toward the toilet and grimaced anew. When the building had closed, no one had bothered cleaning that.

* * *

Disgruntled, but feeling better, I made my way back to where the aliens were lounging. Without a word, I sat down at Mudflap's feet.

"Ya stink," he commented.

My stomach growled and I wrapped my arms around myself. He tipped his head to one side, his "ears" swiveling up. "Ya makin' weird ass sounds."

"Hungry," I mumbled.

Skids sat up, pausing to glower at me in a way that let me know I wasn't his favorite person in the world. I guessed he was still angry over the vomiting thing. "Go get ya some fuel then, stupid," he said. I wondered if he'd forgotten his promise to punish me for my stupidity, or if he'd even meant it.

"I don't have any money," I replied, nearly too low to be heard, but they heard.

"Money? What's that?"

"I know where there's money," Skids said suddenly. "I heard Epps talkin' one time, bout needin' to go get some money outta a-a ATN or somethin' like that," he added. I wondered who this Epps person was and what he had to do with the aliens.

"ATM," I corrected quietly.

* * *

We stayed behind the station until the sun set and then they transformed and waited for me to climb into the passenger side, before heading off again. I wondered if they knew where they were going, or if they just wandered around, fighting the other aliens. The twins certainly didn't seem too organized.

We drove into a small community and up into the lot of a bank that was off the main road. We pulled up alongside the little ATM machine and parked. Mudflap separated from his brother and transformed, walking around to crouch in front of the machine. I stared warily at the little security camera built into the machine, but reasoned that he had to know it was there, it certainly wasn't hidden. He reached out and pressed his hands against the machine. Smaller components and manipulators unfolded from his fingers and he fiddled with the machine in silence. I couldn't tell what he was doing, but alien symbols began scrolling across the screen and it began spewing bills of various denominations in a bizarre parody of a winning slot machine. Mudflap seized a handful and shoved it in the front of the truck with me. I grabbed handfuls and stared wordlessly. That could be a very useful talent, I decided.

Mudflap circled back around to rejoin his twin and we pulled away, the machine still merrily disgorging bills.

* * *

McDonalds. French fries so greasy they ought to be illegal. That was my singular goal as we wandered through the town, until we found one of the little fast food places. The aliens didn't seem too keen on letting me go inside alone and I honestly doubted they'd serve me food, money or no money with my appearance. So we opted for the drive-thru. I noticed the clearance sign first, or at least commented first.

"Will you guys fit?" I asked, trying to picture how tall the truck was.

"We got this," Mudflap muttered.

We pulled up. I heard a screeching metallic sound and a low thunk. We came to a sudden stop. The engine revved and the truck attempted to move forward again. Nothing happened.

I stared at my hands, fighting the insane urge to say I told you so, as another car pulled up behind us and blocked us in. I coughed to cover up a snicker.

"Damn," Skids muttered. Behind us, the car's driver honked impatiently.

"Screw this," Mudflap growled. The truck's engine roared. Without any warning, the engine revved and we lurched forward, the sign snapping off on top of the truck and we bounced awkwardly over the little concrete barrier and onto the road. The twins drove on in irritable silence, while I struggled to not say anything and to especially not laugh.

We drove up to one end of the little town that seemed pretty much abandoned. This side of the town looked to be the city square and aside from a lit up little theater, there was no activity. We pulled around and down a side road sheltered by tall old buildings and I was unceremoniously ordered out. The two transformed, Mudflap awkwardly.

The sign was still attached to him, now wedged into the armor on his shoulders and hung up on the truck's ice cream truck.

Skids grabbed me by the back of my shirt and hauled me up to eye level. "Listen up, fruit-loop. Make yo useless ass useful. Go stand at the end of the road and play watch," he ordered and I was dropped back onto my feet. I stumbled and shot him a grouchy look, before wandering a few feet away. The street was largely empty, with only a single red car parked nearby. It was the kind of road you always hated going down, because your imagination always spawned plenty of muggers and thieves waiting in every shadow.

I glanced over one shoulder to watch Skids attempt to yank the sign off Mudflap.

"Ow. OW. Dude, watch it! That hurts!"

"Quit whining!"

"I ain't whinin'… that freakin' hurts!" Mudflap shoved Skids' hands away and I shook my head as the two instantly began grappling and swinging at each other.

I turned back to my appointed task in disgust and just in time for the worst possible thing to happen. I suppose the theater had just let out. There wasn't much I could have done anyway, but that didn't stop me from trying. Two women around my own age suddenly stepped from around the corner and into our street. One was slightly older than the other with short curly hair and she was sipping at a soda, the other was taller and thinner and munching on popcorn. Both of them were smiling and laughing until they saw the fighting twins.

I began frantically shaking my head and trying to signal them to run, but they didn't even look at my pitiful attempts to telegraph them to flee.

The older one dropped her soda and it splattered all over her pants leg. The younger girl's mouth gaped open, half-chewed popcorn falling from her lips. Slowly, she raised one arm to point and I groaned in defeat.

She proceeded to scream at the top of her lungs.


	4. Ch4: Introductions

Disclaimer: Wide Spread Panic doesn't own The Transformers, of course. Nor does she own any of the businesses or items mentioned within. This is but a work of fiction…

Author's note: Rating is for Chevy twins' bad-mouthing. Okay, so I've had a couple of reviewers say that they're having some trouble understanding Mudflap with his lisp… but I like writing it, because it amuses me (the whole point of the story). So, I've decided that I'll compromise. The chapters may seem extremely long, but it's because I've written the chapter in the same format as previous chapters. If you don't like or are having trouble understanding Mudflap, scroll down until you spot the Autobot and Decepticon logo composed of typing characters (kudos to whoever created those btw) from that point on, you'll find the same chapter in its entirety, but sans-lisp.

* * *

Ch.4: Introductions

Humans aren't a terribly threatening species on the whole, especially when compared with other animals present on Earth. The keratin flaps, fingernails, on the end of our fingers aren't sharp enough to serve as weapons and tend to break off easily. Our teeth are too blunt to really rend flesh and we can't move very quickly. And in some strange evolutionary twist, we developed a primal reflex.

The reflex to, when confronted with overwhelming terrors, scream and faint.

The intruders elected for the former option. No sooner had the younger girl started screaming than the older girl joined in. The two aliens jerked at the sound and whipped around. As Skids turned, the clearance sign firmly gripped in his large hands, he yanked a little harder in surprise and the sign came loose with a wrenching metallic squeal. Mudflap yowled in pain and Skids lost his grip on the sign.

I saw it coming, but I wasn't able to dodge. I stood there in frozen horror. The metal sign hit the ground and bounced towards us end over end. The girls' screaming cut off in an unnatural strangled sound and the sign whizzed by inches to my right. I shuddered violently and peered over one shoulder. The sign had come to a stop in the dirt not too far from the fallen forms of the two girls. Neither one seemed to have been hit by it, I decided as I sat proceeded to fold up into a sitting position.

The two aliens stomped over and I shuddered again. "Man, what kind of look-out are ya?" Skids demanded and he roughly poked my shoulder with one huge finger. "Now we got witnesses."

"Thit, man. Prime'th gonna whoop uth," Mudflap mumbled as he shrugged and twisted uncomfortably. "That'th gonna be hurtin' for a while," he added, shooting his counterpart a gimlet stare.

"Ya moved," Skids muttered dismissively.

"Did not."

"Did too. Let's get outta here before they wake up," Skids added, quickly changing the subject.

"Did not. And what about when they go yellin' to the authoritieth about alienth? Prime thaid if we blew it again, he gonna let 'ol Hide punith uth."

"Ain't afraid of him. He's so old, he'll fall an' break a servo tryin' to catch us."

"Yo shtupid ath ain't afraid of him, I ain't shtupid," Mudflap countered irritably.

Skids made a sound startlingly close to a snarl and it occurred to me that I was directly between them. The knowledge of how often they fought motivated me to get up and scramble to a safe distance away. They both watched me with varying degrees of amusement, their argument temporarily forgotten.

"And ya thaid the wath shtupid," Mudflap said with a disturbing grin.

I glowered at them, tensed to bolt even further away if they started wrestling.

Skids made a sound remarkably like a snort. "She _is_ stupid," he muttered crossly and he walked over to peer down at the two fallen women. He nudged the older one with the edge of his foot.

"Tho what we doin' with them?" Mudflap asked, crouching down beside his twin.

I edged closer to the twins and looked around Mudflap's bulk at the fallen women, shooting irritable glares at Skids as I did so. He was no genius himself, and the only thing keeping me from pointing it out to him was the knowledge of what he could do to me if I did.

Skids prodded the woman again with his foot before coming to a decision. "Take em with us."

Mudflap rolled his eyes and threw his hands up. "Oh, yeah. That'th sthmart. How we thuppothed to hide three humanth? Ya shtupid. Ya shtupid an' I'm shtupid for lithenin' to ya," he mumbled.

Skids took a threatening step toward his twin and Mudflap bristled. I abruptly realized the two aliens were standing over the two women. I swallowed and moved closer to Mudflap. I reached up to cautiously rap my knuckles on his leg.

Mudflap and Skids glowered down at me and I stepped back, nervously.

Skids muttered something in a language composed of electronic warbles, trills, and chirps. Mudflap crouched and transformed into his half of the truck. As I nervously watched Skids bent and grabbed both women none two gently and stuffed them into Mudflap's interior. I stepped back as Skids transformed and combined with his twin. The truck's back door opened and I sighed. Apparently, my front-seat rights had been revoked. I climbed into the back of the ice cream truck and sat down against one wall. As I settled in, it occurred to me that maybe I should've tried to run, but I discarded the idea almost instantly. I looked like hell and I was broke. Who in their right mind would help me?

The truck rumbled to life and bounced off in the night, thankfully without the obnoxious melody this time.

* * *

I slept uneasily, propped up against one wall. I woke with a start when the older woman stirred. I straightened as she rolled onto her stomach and sat up. She rubbed muzzily at her eyes and then tensed. She lurched unsteadily to her feet, her hands balled into fists. The truck lurched to one side and she went down on one knee.

"Who are ya? Where am ah?!" Her voice rose unsteadily higher, thick with a prominent southern accent. "What the hell's goin' on here?! Where did those thangs go?!"

I shrugged, unsure of what to say. She was definitely unhappy and I was worried that the wrong answer might result in me being throttled. I was saved from having to come up with anything by the younger girl.

She sat up, a little wobbly and stared from me to her companion. "What the hell just happened?" She mumbled. "I think I'm going to be sick. Yeah, definitely going to be sick," she added with a resigned tone.

"Hell, no!" Skids' voice boomed inside the back of the truck. "Attention assorted organics! No ejectin' yo nasty human slime in the interior!"

The curly haired woman's mouth opened and shut in shock. "Human… slime?" She drawled out the words slowly.

"I'll have you know I'm military!" The younger woman snapped at Skids' disembodied voice, not noticing the growing horrified expression on her companion's face. "You're going to get your ass kicked for kidnapping me-"

"What are ya that ya ain't human?" The first woman demanded, in a loud voice.

The self-proclaimed military woman shut her mouth with a snap. I stared fixedly at the truck's dirty floor. Neither Skids nor Mudflap commented and the curly haired woman's expression became fervent.

"Ah knew it!" She yelled, startling all of us. "Ah knew aliens were real!" She paused to whack the younger girl roughly on the shoulder. "Didn't ah tell ya? Where are they takin' us?"

_Dear, lord_, I thought miserably. One of Adam's people. I shrugged again.

"If I was an alien who'd been found out, I'd be looking for a place to hide the bodies," the younger girl said in a matter of fact tone. We both stared at her in horror. She shrugged unapologetically. "I would. Name's Kayleigh. If we're going to all die horribly, then I guess it doesn't matter, though." She shrugged again.

"The military'd cover it up too," added the curly-haired woman with a nod, Kayleigh shooting her an annoyed look. "Well, they would. Ah'm Dagny," she added cheerfully. "Nobody'd ever know what happened to us."

I stared at them in mild disgust. I snickered suddenly at the sheer ludicrousness of the situation. I was trapped in the back of a deranged alien ice cream truck with two women who were neutrally discussing our demise. "What the hell. I'm Melissa and I think I've quite possibly gone irrevocably insane," I told them.

"Happens to the best of us," Kayleigh replied good-naturedly. "Maybe they'll make it a quick death. Hey, aliens!" She yelled at the truck's ceiling. "Just so it's out there- I'm not cool with the whole probing thing!"

We were silent, more from shock than anything else. The two aliens exploded at her comment.

"Wha?! Shit, man! Shit! Man, ya humans are messed up! What is wrong wit' ya?!" Skids' voice snarled.

Mudflap's voice cut in racked with laughter. "I like humanth. They thcrewed up."

"Yeah, just keep your probies to yourself," Kayleigh muttered and she crossed her arms.

_This is going to be interesting_, I decided as I settled against the wall to listen to the twins rant.

****

**l=lVl=l  
l=l l=l  
\l H l/  
AUTOBOTS**

**l\ .M. /l****  
\l=V=l/  
l\lVl/l  
DECEPTICONS**

Ch.4: Introductions

Humans aren't a terribly threatening species on the whole, especially when compared with other animals present on Earth. The keratin flaps, fingernails, on the end of our fingers aren't sharp enough to serve as weapons and tend to break off easily. Our teeth are too blunt to really rend flesh and we can't move very quickly. And in some strange evolutionary twist, we developed a primal reflex.

The reflex to, when confronted with overwhelming terrors, scream and faint.

The intruders elected for the former option. No sooner had the younger girl started screaming than the older girl joined in. The two aliens jerked at the sound and whipped around. As Skids turned, the clearance sign firmly gripped in his large hands, he yanked a little harder in surprise and the sign came loose with a wrenching metallic squeal. Mudflap yowled in pain and Skids lost his grip on the sign.

I saw it coming, but I wasn't able to dodge. I stood there in frozen horror. The metal sign hit the ground and bounced towards us end over end. The girls' screaming cut off in an unnatural strangled sound and the sign whizzed by inches to my right. I shuddered violently and peered over one shoulder. The sign had come to a stop in the dirt not too far from the fallen forms of the two girls. Neither one seemed to have been hit by it, I decided as I sat proceeded to fold up into a sitting position.

The two aliens stomped over and I shuddered again. "Man, what kind of look-out are ya?" Skids demanded and he roughly poked my shoulder with one huge finger. "Now we got witnesses."

"Shit, man. Prime's gonna whoop us," Mudflap mumbled as he shrugged and twisted uncomfortably. "That's gonna be hurtin' for a while," he added, shooting his counterpart a gimlet stare.

"Ya moved," Skids muttered dismissively.

"Did not."

"Did too. Let's get outta here before they wake up," Skids added, quickly changing the subject.

"Did not. And what about when they go yellin' to the authorities about aliens? Prime said if we blew it again, he gonna let 'ol Hide punish us."

"Ain't afraid of him. He's so old, he'll fall an' break a servo tryin' to catch us."

"Yo stupid ass ain't afraid of him, I ain't stupid," Mudflap countered irritably.

Skids made a sound startlingly close to a snarl and it occurred to me that I was directly between them. The knowledge of how often they fought motivated me to get up and scramble to a safe distance away. They both watched me with varying degrees of amusement, their argument temporarily forgotten.

"And ya said the was stupid," Mudflap said with a disturbing grin.

I glowered at them, tensed to bolt even further away if they started wrestling.

Skids made a sound remarkably like a snort. "She _is_ stupid," he muttered crossly and he walked over to peer down at the two fallen women. He nudged the older one with the edge of his foot.

"So what we doin' with them?" Mudflap asked, crouching down beside his twin.

I edged closer to the twins and looked around Mudflap's bulk at the fallen women, shooting irritable glares at Skids as I did so. He was no genius himself, and the only thing keeping me from pointing it out to him was the knowledge of what he could do to me if I did.

Skids prodded the woman again with his foot before coming to a decision. "Take em with us."

Mudflap rolled his eyes and threw his hands up. "Oh, yeah. That's smart. How we supposed to hide three humans? Ya stupid. Ya stupid an' I'm stupid for listenin' to ya," he mumbled.

Skids took a threatening step toward his twin and Mudflap bristled. I abruptly realized the two aliens were standing over the two women. I swallowed and moved closer to Mudflap. I reached up to cautiously rap my knuckles on his leg.

Mudflap and Skids glowered down at me and I stepped back, nervously.

Skids muttered something in a language composed of electronic warbles, trills, and chirps. Mudflap crouched and transformed into his half of the truck. As I nervously watched Skids bent and grabbed both women none two gently and stuffed them into Mudflap's interior. I stepped back as Skids transformed and combined with his twin. The truck's back door opened and I sighed. Apparently, my front-seat rights had been revoked. I climbed into the back of the ice cream truck and sat down against one wall. As I settled in, it occurred to me that maybe I should've tried to run, but I discarded the idea almost instantly. I looked like hell and I was broke. Who in their right mind would help me?

The truck rumbled to life and bounced off in the night, thankfully without the obnoxious melody this time.

* * *

I slept uneasily, propped up against one wall. I woke with a start when the older woman stirred. I straightened as she rolled onto her stomach and sat up. She rubbed muzzily at her eyes and then tensed. She lurched unsteadily to her feet, her hands balled into fists. The truck lurched to one side and she went down on one knee.

"Who are ya? Where am I?!" Her voice rose unsteadily higher, thick with a prominent southern accent. "What the hell's goin' on here?! Where did those things go?!"

I shrugged, unsure of what to say. She was definitely unhappy and I was worried that the wrong answer might result in me being throttled. I was saved from having to come up with anything by the younger girl.

She sat up, a little wobbly and stared from me to her companion. "What the hell just happened?" She mumbled. "I think I'm going to be sick. Yeah, definitely going to be sick," she added with a resigned tone.

"Hell, no!" Skids' voice boomed inside the back of the truck. "Attention assorted organics! No ejectin' yo nasty human slime in the interior!"

The curly haired woman's mouth opened and shut in shock. "Human… slime?" She drawled out the words slowly.

"I'll have you know I'm military!" The younger woman snapped at Skids' disembodied voice, not noticing the growing horrified expression on her companion's face. "You're going to get your ass kicked for kidnapping me-"

"What are ya that ya ain't human?" The first woman demanded, in a loud voice.

The self-proclaimed military woman shut her mouth with a snap. I stared fixedly at the truck's dirty floor. Neither Skids nor Mudflap commented and the curly haired woman's expression became fervent.

"I knew it!" She yelled, startling all of us. "I knew aliens were real!" She paused to whack the younger girl roughly on the shoulder. "Didn't I tell ya? Where are they takin' us?"

_Dear, lord_, I thought miserably. One of Adam's people. I shrugged again.

"If I was an alien who'd been found out, I'd be looking for a place to hide the bodies," the younger girl said in a matter of fact tone. We both stared at her in horror. She shrugged unapologetically. "I would. Name's Kayleigh. If we're going to all die horribly, then I guess it doesn't matter, though." She shrugged again.

"The military'd cover it up too," added the curly-haired woman with a nod, Kayleigh shooting her an annoyed look. "Well, they would. I'm Dagny," she added cheerfully. "Nobody'd ever know what happened to us."

I stared at them in mild disgust. I snickered suddenly at the sheer ludicrousness of the situation. I was trapped in the back of a deranged alien ice cream truck with two women who were neutrally discussing our demise. "What the hell. I'm Melissa and I think I've quite possibly gone irrevocably insane," I told them.

"Happens to the best of us," Kayleigh replied good-naturedly. "Maybe they'll make it a quick death. Hey, aliens!" She yelled at the truck's ceiling. "Just so it's out there- I'm not cool with the whole probing thing!"

We were silent, more from shock than anything else. The two aliens exploded at her comment.

"Wha?! Shit, man! Shit! Man, ya humans are messed up! What is wrong wit' ya?!" Skids' voice snarled.

Mudflap's voice cut in racked with laughter. "I like humans. They screwed up."

"Yeah, just keep your probies to yourself," Kayleigh muttered and she crossed her arms.

_This is going to be interesting_, I decided as I settled against the wall to listen to the twins rant.


	5. Ch5: Supernatural Superserious

Disclaimer: Wide Spread Panic doesn't own The Transformers, of course. Nor does she own any of the businesses or items mentioned within. As for the people, you know who you are and who owns who and I promise to put you back with a minimum of mental scarring when I'm done playing. This is but a work of fiction…

Author's note: I've had Writer's Block… joy of joys that it is (this is sarcasm if you can't tell, dear reader). It seems to have moved on to torment some other poor soul for the moment, so I figured to seize my chance and type up a new chapter. I apologize humbly for the delay and pray that you're not the individual it has moved on to; also this chapter is rather short. Rating is for Chevy twins' bad-mouthing. Okay, so I've had a couple of reviewers say that they're having some trouble understanding Mudflap with his lisp… but I like writing it, because it amuses me (the whole point of the story). So, I've decided that I'll compromise. The chapters may seem extremely long, but it's because I've written the chapter in the same format as previous chapters. If you don't like or are having trouble understanding Mudflap, scroll down until you spot the Autobot and Decepticon logo composed of typing characters (kudos to whoever created those btw) from that point on, you'll find the same chapter in its entirety, but sans-lisp.

* * *

Ch.5: Supernatural Superserious

"Ah mean it probably ain't yer fault, bein' kidnapped an' all," Dagny said and I fought the urge to growl. "But ah'm tellin' ya this fer yer own good. Ya smell like a pole-kitteh. Or maybe like ya been rollin' in what's left of a very dead pole-kitteh."

"And it smells like vomit in here," Kayleigh pointed out.

The ice cream truck that made up the twins wasn't all that spacious so we were crammed against the walls, our legs tucked close to our bodies, nearly touching. The ice cream truck shuddered at the mention of vomit, so I knew the twins were eavesdropping in on our conversation. I resisted telling the girl why it smelled like vomit as I sat pressed against my wall. I'd had the presence of mind to make sure I wasn't sitting near the invisible line that designated where one twin ended and the other began. I noted that Kayleigh was sitting exactly where I'd guesstimated the divider line was.

"What'th a pole-kitteh?" Mudflap's voice suddenly asked, making the other two girls jerk slightly.

"Skunk," I answered instantly, my voice dry and croaking. "Black and white striped animal that smells bad."

"They probably right then," Skids said, deciding to put in his two cents. "Ya freakin' stink."

I pressed my forehead to my knees, fighting down a sick headache. I was bruised. I was hungry. I was dirty. I had only had a little brown water to drink. I was being held against my will by aliens. And now to top off the indignities I'd suffered, I had to put with these two. To my intense irritation, neither seemed all that aware of just how dire our situation was. They seemed to think this was all a grand adventure and that everything would turn out okay. I knew what was going on in their heads and I eyed them sulkily in jealousy. They didn't think anything bad would happen to them, like most people, they clung to the notion that bad things only happened to_ other_ people.

"If you don't like the smell," I growled, my throat painfully protesting my raising voice. "Let me go!"

Skids growled right back. "Yeah, an' _yo_ loopy ass'll go runnin' to the po-po babblin' about aliens."

"You do need a shower though," Kayleigh piped up unhelpfully. "_Badly_."

"It's cruel and unusual pennin' us up in here with that smell," Dagny snapped, kicking one side of the truck's interior. "Ah'm an American citizen. Ah got rights!"

The twins slammed on the brakes suddenly and we all fell over, instantly clawing to separate ourselves. "Mute it ya lil' fraggers! Primus, Starscream don't bitch this much. If ya get showers will ya shut up?!" Skids snarled furiously.

"Ya turn thothe lil' thith looth an' we'll never catch em," Mudflap protested.

I raised my voice, before the twins could start fighting in earnest. "And food!" I yelled.

The ice cream truck shifted on its shocks as the twins debated in their own language and their three passengers waited anxiously. Without a word, the truck began moving again. I sank against the truck wall with a defeated sigh, figuring they'd decided not to stop. I was surprised when we came to another abrupt stop.

"Okay, here'th the deal. Ya gonna check in here and shtay put til we come get yo atheth," Mudflap said.

"Yo, fruit-loop. Still got yo money?" Skids demanded and I dug the wadded up handful of bills out of my pocket and held them up shakily. "Fine. Just so ya know, ya try an' _run_… ya get run _over_."

The truck's backdoor swung open then, the sun momentarily blinding me. We piled out of the back of the truck and were greeted by a generic hotel. I had never seen anything more beautiful in my life; it truly brought a tear to my eyes.

Dagny looked at the hotel and then at me and snatched part of the money from me. I narrowed my eyes and she simply raised her eyebrows. "Ya look like hell. You try to rent us a room and they'll kick us out and laugh while they're doin' it," she said.

I tried to gather an argument, but gave up with a sigh. She was right anyway. So I let her lead the way, not failing to notice how she and Kayleigh kept well ahead of me, giving off an air of 'Her? We don't know her.' Dagny managed to get us two rooms that were joined for a considerable chunk of my money. As soon as they slid the card key to open the first room, I shoved in first, loudly declaring 'dibs' on the shower in tones that brooked no argument. I heard Kayleigh saying something about ordering pizza and my stomach tightened painfully at the thought of food. I shut the door behind me and peeled my dirty clothes off, cringing at the layer of grime caked onto my skin. I twisted to look at my reflection in the big mirror and flinched. The bruises were mostly turning to various shades of sickly green, yellow and brown. I really did look like hell.

I turned on the water as hot as I could stand it and stepped in, hissing in pain and pleasure and watched the water run brown into the drain with mild satisfaction. I stood there for an indeterminate amount of time, just enjoying the feel of the water.

When I was done washing and my skin was pink from the hot water, I shut off the water and stepped out of the shower. I reached for a towel and went rigid. At that precise moment, a tall lanky man with ridiculous looking teeth and short-cropped dark curly hair walked through the door. His skin was a warm coffee color, but his eyes were bright blue and glowed. He glared at me and I gaped, a strangled sound escaping me.

"Yo, fruit-loop. I want ya to get those other squishies ready to roll—"

Realization sank in about the same time as a wordless impotent rage. _Skids._ I screamed in fury and hastily covered myself with the towel as best I could with one hand as I snatched up a bottle of complimentary shampoo and chucked it at his head. He, a hologram I belatedly realized, flickered and then disappeared. I threw open the bathroom door, eyes wild and a bottle of conditioner held over my head.

Kayleigh and Dagny took my half-naked frenzied appearance in stride. Kayleigh nudged Dagny.

"I told him he didn't want to go in there," she said sounding smug.

Dagny scowled at me. "Get some clothes on. Pizza's gettin' cold."

**l=lVl=l  
l=l l=l  
\l H l/  
AUTOBOTS**

**vs.**

**l\ .M. /l****  
\l=V=l/  
l\lVl/l  
DECEPTICONS**

Ch.5: Supernatural Superserious

"Ah mean it probably ain't yer fault, bein' kidnapped an' all," Dagny said and I fought the urge to growl. "But ah'm tellin' ya this fer yer own good. Ya smell like a pole-kitteh. Or maybe like ya been rollin' in what's left of a very dead pole-kitteh."

"And it smells like vomit in here," Kayleigh pointed out.

The ice cream truck that made up the twins wasn't all that spacious so we were crammed against the walls, our legs tucked close to our bodies, nearly touching. The ice cream truck shuddered at the mention of vomit, so I knew the twins were eavesdropping in on our conversation. I resisted telling the girl why it smelled like vomit as I sat pressed against my wall. I'd had the presence of mind to make sure I wasn't sitting near the invisible line that designated where one twin ended and the other began. I noted that Kayleigh was sitting exactly where I'd guesstimated the divider line was.

"What's a pole-kitteh?" Mudflap's voice suddenly asked, making the other two girls jerk slightly.

"Skunk," I answered instantly, my voice dry and croaking. "Black and white striped animal that smells bad."

"They probably right then," Skids said, deciding to put in his two cents. "Ya freakin' stink."

I pressed my forehead to my knees, fighting down a sick headache. I was bruised. I was hungry. I was dirty. I had only had a little brown water to drink. I was being held against my will by aliens. And now to top off the indignities I'd suffered, I had to put with these two. To my intense irritation, neither seemed all that aware of just how dire our situation was. They seemed to think this was all a grand adventure and that everything would turn out okay. I knew what was going on in their heads and I eyed them sulkily in jealousy. They didn't think anything bad would happen to them, like most people, they clung to the notion that bad things only happened to_ other_ people.

"If you don't like the smell," I growled, my throat painfully protesting my raising voice. "Let me go!"

Skids growled right back. "Yeah, an' _yo_ loopy ass'll go runnin' to the po-po babblin' about aliens."

"You do need a shower though," Kayleigh piped up unhelpfully. "_Badly_."

"It's cruel and unusual pennin' us up in here with that smell," Dagny snapped, kicking one side of the truck's interior. "Ah'm an American citizen. Ah got rights!"

The twins slammed on the brakes suddenly and we all fell over, instantly clawing to separate ourselves. "Mute it ya lil' fraggers! Primus, Starscream don't bitch this much. If ya get showers will ya shut up?!" Skids snarled furiously.

"Ya turn those lil' shits loose an' we'll never catch em," Mudflap protested.

I raised my voice, before the twins could start fighting in earnest. "And food!" I yelled.

The ice cream truck shifted on its shocks as the twins debated in their own language and their three passengers waited anxiously. Without a word, the truck began moving again. I sank against the truck wall with a defeated sigh, figuring they'd decided not to stop. I was surprised when we came to another abrupt stop.

"Okay, here's the deal. Ya gonna check in here and stay put til we come get yo asses," Mudflap said.

"Yo, fruit-loop. Still got yo money?" Skids demanded and I dug the wadded up handful of bills out of my pocket and held them up shakily. "Fine. Just so ya know, ya try an' _run_… ya get run _over_."

The truck's backdoor swung open then, the sun momentarily blinding me. We piled out of the back of the truck and were greeted by a generic hotel. I had never seen anything more beautiful in my life; it truly brought a tear to my eyes.

Dagny looked at the hotel and then at me and snatched part of the money from me. I narrowed my eyes and she simply raised her eyebrows. "Ya look like hell. You try to rent us a room and they'll kick us out and laugh while they're doin' it," she said.

I tried to gather an argument, but gave up with a sigh. She was right anyway. So I let her lead the way, not failing to notice how she and Kayleigh kept well ahead of me, giving off an air of 'Her? We don't know her.' Dagny managed to get us two rooms that were joined for a considerable chunk of my money. As soon as they slid the card key to open the first room, I shoved in first, loudly declaring 'dibs' on the shower in tones that brooked no argument. I heard Kayleigh saying something about ordering pizza and my stomach tightened painfully at the thought of food. I shut the door behind me and peeled my dirty clothes off, cringing at the layer of grime caked onto my skin. I twisted to look at my reflection in the big mirror and flinched. The bruises were mostly turning to various shades of sickly green, yellow and brown. I really did look like hell.

I turned on the water as hot as I could stand it and stepped in, hissing in pain and pleasure and watched the water run brown into the drain with mild satisfaction. I stood there for an indeterminate amount of time, just enjoying the feel of the water.

When I was done washing and my skin was pink from the hot water, I shut off the water and stepped out of the shower. I reached for a towel and went rigid. At that precise moment, a tall lanky man with ridiculous looking teeth and short-cropped dark curly hair walked through the door. His skin was a warm coffee color, but his eyes were bright blue and glowed. He glared at me and I gaped, a strangled sound escaping me.

"Yo, fruit-loop. I want ya to get those other squishies ready to roll—"

Realization sank in about the same time as a wordless impotent rage. _Skids._ I screamed in fury and hastily covered myself with the towel as best I could with one hand as I snatched up a bottle of complimentary shampoo and chucked it at his head. He, a hologram I belatedly realized, flickered and then disappeared. I threw open the bathroom door, eyes wild and a bottle of conditioner held over my head.

Kayleigh and Dagny took my half-naked frenzied appearance in stride. Kayleigh nudged Dagny.

"I told him he didn't want to go in there," she said sounding smug.

Dagny scowled at me. "Get some clothes on. Pizza's gettin' cold."


	6. Ch6: Faulty Logic

Disclaimer: Wide Spread Panic doesn't own The Transformers, of course. Nor does she own any of the businesses or items mentioned within. As for the people, you know who you are and who owns who and I promise to put you back with a minimum of mental scarring when I'm done playing. This is but a work of fiction…

* * *

Ch.6: Faulty Logic

I knew exactly what Claustrophobia was: the fear of enclosed spaces. I was starting to get the distinct impression that I was going to be highly claustrophobic when this whole mess was over. Considering, of course, that I lived through said mess. We were back to being crammed into the back of the ice cream truck. Before leaving the hotel, and at an ungodly early hour to boot, we'd taken advantage of the complimentary breakfast. After scarfing two donuts, a box of cereal and an orange, I'd taken one of the plastic liners meant for ice and shoved as much cereal and fruit as I could in it, while the attendant had stared. The man hadn't made a single effort to tell me I couldn't take the food and I wouldn't have put it back even if he had. There was no way I was risking going without food again. Kayleigh and Dagny had just stared at me, pretending they'd never seen me before.

I put my bag of food in a corner of the truck beside me and sat with my knees pulled up against my chest, chin on my knees. Kayleigh had stretched out and was steadily tapping Dagny's leg with one foot. The older girl glared at the younger girl, who only grinned.

We were on the move again, to lord knows where. The twins didn't feel all that talkative today and I was mad at Skids still at any rate. I doubted they'd actually answer if I asked anyway.

"Pervert," I said out loud to the ice cream truck in general.

"Ya think I wanted to see yo naked aft, fruit-loop?" Skids' voice snarled. "_Hell_, no."

Kayleigh grinned. "Bow chicka bow wow," she intoned and she burst out laughing.

I glowered at her and considered how worth it it would be to kick her. "Hell is other people," I muttered, the quote suddenly coming to mind. Kayleigh only laughed harder.

We drove for what seemed like forever. I didn't know where we were headed. I just wanted to go home and sleep in my own bed, far, far from all the crazies. Maybe I was asking for too much, but I didn't see it happening any time soon.

At one point, I could have sworn we were on some sort of personnel carrier over water. The perpetual maddening rocking was a dead giveaway. Panic set in with that realization. I freaked out.

"Where are you taking us? I want out!" I kicked the side of the truck and the twins both snarled.

"Chill and sit yo ass down right now!"

"You'll thee where we goin' when we get there, shtupid!"

Dagny poked one of the ice cream truck's walls. "Um, I had work today. When are we going home?"

I put my head in my hands with a groan.

After a while, we were moving again on wheels. Not for long, though. We rolled to a stop and I heard the familiar loud sound of something big walking over.

"WHERE THE PIT HAVE YOU TWO BEEN?" Roared a voice that made all three of us cringe and I felt the twins sink down on their shocks in fear.

"We… got lotht?"

"Transform and report to Prime," snarled the voice and I moaned.

The twins shuddered around us. "We, uh, can't transform, see. Cause we got… stuck," Skids said lamely.

"Shtuck bad," Mudflap added hastily. "Thomethin' went all kindth of wrong, man."

The loud voice growled. "Maybe I should help you get… unstuck," he snarled. I exchanged a wide-eyed look with the other girls as the twins wiggled on their shocks and rolled backwards, presumably away from the speaker.

"Nah, man. We're good," Skids yelped.

"We don't mind thith at all!" Mudflap added.

Whoever they were talking too apparently decided to let them past. We began moving again, faster this time. The ice cream truck turned an abrupt corner and we were all pitched forward, yelping in pain and shoving to untangle ourselves. Another abrupt turn and we stopped. I shoved Kayleigh off of me, snarling as Dagny kicked me in the head, trying to right herself. Without a word of warning, the twins split apart. We were unceremoniously dumped onto the hard floor in a heap. Mudflap and Skids transformed and I saw the wonder and amazement in Kayleigh and Dagny's faces.

I looked around, I'd already seen the transforming thing and as fascinating as it was, I was more concerned about where we were. As far as I could tell, it was a big room, Autobot sized, with giant tables and berths. Maybe the twins' room, I guessed.

"Tho, now what?" Skids growled, planting his hands on his hips and glaring at the three of us. "The Pit we thuppothed to do now?"

"Hide em, stupid," Skids snapped, in a tone like he was talking to a small child. "Stupid humans all look the same anyway and this place is swarming with em. They'll never notice three more."

"Yo ath ith the shtupid one. They don't look like no military humanth," Mudflap growled, shoving his brother. Skids shoved back.

"We dress em like the others. Go get em some of that outer-armor them humans always wearin' and nobody'll know the difference."

"Clotheth. It'th clotheth. Thith ain't gonna work. Aint' no way ith gonna work," Mudflap muttered, but he turned and left.

Skids turned back to us.

Kayleigh cleared her throat and raised a hand as if she were a student wanting to ask a teacher a question. "How come you have a gold tooth. Are you, like, gangsta-aliens?"

"What?" He demanded.

"Its gangster-aliens," Dagny corrected calmly.

"Hey, don't be messin' with me. Ya don't want none of this," Skids snapped, shaking a finger at the two other girls.

"You really think that highly trained military personnel won't notice three more humans?" Kayleigh asked, crossing her arms. "You're incredibly stupid if you do."

"I'd watch who I was calling stupid if I was a tiny little organic that goes squish when stepped on."

Kayleigh raised her eyebrows, but wisely decided to refrain from making any other comments. Mudflap returned shortly after with an armful of uniforms. Two digi-camo shirts, a muddy pair of blue pants, two pairs of desert pants, and an officer's jacket. Kayleigh cracked up laughing and Dagny shook her head. I just put my head in my hands and started laughing. I wondered what was going to happen when we were found out and how long it would take. Personally, I figured we were going to get guns drawn on us as soon as stepped out of the twins' quarters wearing the mismatched, dirty uniforms.

The twins were confident it would work, though. We were made to get dressed in the smelly clothes and marched out of the room on the twins' heels. If they had any sort of plan, they hadn't shared it. I was fairly sure they just made things up as they went along.

As we walked through the base, nervous and wary, except Kayleigh who looked like she was fighting not to crack up, we passed some actual military people.

As we walked past, I heard one whisper to the other rather loudly, "Uh, Lennox… you remember anyone saying anything about any new recruits?"

****

**l=lVl=l  
l=l l=l  
\l H l/  
AUTOBOTS**

**vs.**

**l\ .M. /l****  
\l=V=l/  
l\lVl/l  
DECEPTICONS**

Ch.6: Faulty Logic

I knew exactly what Claustrophobia was: the fear of enclosed spaces. I was starting to get the distinct impression that I was going to be highly claustrophobic when this whole mess was over. Considering, of course, that I lived through said mess. We were back to being crammed into the back of the ice cream truck. Before leaving the hotel, and at an ungodly early hour to boot, we'd taken advantage of the complimentary breakfast. After scarfing two donuts, a box of cereal and an orange, I'd taken one of the plastic liners meant for ice and shoved as much cereal and fruit as I could in it, while the attendant had stared. The man hadn't made a single effort to tell me I couldn't take the food and I wouldn't have put it back even if he had. There was no way I was risking going without food again. Kayleigh and Dagny had just stared at me, pretending they'd never seen me before.

I put my bag of food in a corner of the truck beside me and sat with my knees pulled up against my chest, chin on my knees. Kayleigh had stretched out and was steadily tapping Dagny's leg with one foot. The older girl glared at the younger girl, who only grinned.

We were on the move again, to lord knows where. The twins didn't feel all that talkative today and I was mad at Skids still at any rate. I doubted they'd actually answer if I asked anyway.

"Pervert," I said out loud to the ice cream truck in general.

"Ya think I wanted to see yo naked aft, fruit-loop?" Skids' voice snarled. "_Hell_, no."

Kayleigh grinned. "Bow chicka bow wow," she intoned and she burst out laughing.

I glowered at her and considered how worth it it would be to kick her. "Hell is other people," I muttered, the quote suddenly coming to mind. Kayleigh only laughed harder.

We drove for what seemed like forever. I didn't know where we were headed. I just wanted to go home and sleep in my own bed, far, far from all the crazies. Maybe I was asking for too much, but I didn't see it happening any time soon.

At one point, I could have sworn we were on some sort of personnel carrier over water. The perpetual maddening rocking was a dead giveaway. Panic set in with that realization. I freaked out.

"Where are you taking us? I want out!" I kicked the side of the truck and the twins both snarled.

"Chill and sit yo ass down right now!"

"You'll see where we goin' when we get there, stupid!"

Dagny poked one of the ice cream truck's walls. "Um, I had work today. When are we going home?"

I put my head in my hands with a groan.

After a while, we were moving again on wheels. Not for long, though. We rolled to a stop and I heard the familiar loud sound of something big walking over.

"WHERE THE PIT HAVE YOU TWO BEEN?" Roared a voice that made all three of us cringe and I felt the twins sink down on their shocks in fear.

"We… got lost?"

"Transform and report to Prime," snarled the voice and I moaned.

The twins shuddered around us. "We, uh, can't transform, see. Cause we got… stuck," Skids said lamely.

"Stuck bad," Mudflap added hastily. "Somethin' went all kinds of wrong, man."

The loud voice growled. "Maybe I should help you get… unstuck," he snarled. I exchanged a wide-eyed look with the other girls as the twins wiggled on their shocks and rolled backwards, presumably away from the speaker.

"Nah, man. We're good," Skids yelped.

"We don't mind this at all!" Mudflap added.

Whoever they were talking too apparently decided to let them past. We began moving again, faster this time. The ice cream truck turned an abrupt corner and we were all pitched forward, yelping in pain and shoving to untangle ourselves. Another abrupt turn and we stopped. I shoved Kayleigh off of me, snarling as Dagny kicked me in the head, trying to right herself. Without a word of warning, the twins split apart. We were unceremoniously dumped onto the hard floor in a heap. Mudflap and Skids transformed and I saw the wonder and amazement in Kayleigh and Dagny's faces.

I looked around, I'd already seen the transforming thing and as fascinating as it was, I was more concerned about where we were. As far as I could tell, it was a big room, Autobot sized, with giant tables and berths. Maybe the twins' room, I guessed.

"So, now what?" Skids growled, planting his hands on his hips and glaring at the three of us. "The Pit we supposed to do now?"

"Hide em, stupid," Skids snapped, in a tone like he was talking to a small child. "Stupid humans all look the same anyway and this place is swarming with em. They'll never notice three more."

"Yo ass is the stupid one. They don't look like no military humans," Mudflap growled, shoving his brother. Skids shoved back.

"We dress em like the others. Go get em some of that outer-armor them humans always wearin' and nobody'll know the difference."

"Clothes. Its clothes. This ain't gonna work. Aint' no way its gonna work," Mudflap muttered, but he turned and left.

Skids turned back to us.

Kayleigh cleared her throat and raised a hand as if she were a student wanting to ask a teacher a question. "How come you have a gold tooth. Are you, like, gangsta-aliens?"

"What?" He demanded.

"Its gangster-aliens," Dagny corrected calmly.

"Hey, don't be messin' with me. Ya don't want none of this," Skids snapped, shaking a finger at the two other girls.

"You really think that highly trained military personnel won't notice three more humans?" Kayleigh asked, crossing her arms. "You're incredibly stupid if you do."

"I'd watch who I was calling stupid if I was a tiny little organic that goes squish when stepped on."

Kayleigh raised her eyebrows, but wisely decided to refrain from making any other comments. Mudflap returned shortly after with an armful of uniforms. Two digi-camo shirts, a muddy pair of blue pants, two pairs of desert pants, and an officer's jacket. Kayleigh cracked up laughing and Dagny shook her head. I just put my head in my hands and started laughing. I wondered what was going to happen when we were found out and how long it would take. Personally, I figured we were going to get guns drawn on us as soon as stepped out of the twins' quarters wearing the mismatched, dirty uniforms.

The twins were confident it would work, though. We were made to get dressed in the smelly clothes and marched out of the room on the twins' heels. If they had any sort of plan, they hadn't shared it. I was fairly sure they just made things up as they went along.

As we walked through the base, nervous and wary, except Kayleigh who looked like she was fighting not to crack up, we passed some actual military people.

As we walked past, I heard one whisper to the other rather loudly, "Uh, Lennox… you remember anyone saying anything about any new recruits?"


	7. Ch7: No Escape

Disclaimer: Wide Spread Panic doesn't own The Transformers, of course. Nor does she own any of the businesses or items mentioned within. As for the people, you know who you are and who owns who and I promise to put you back with a minimum of mental scarring when I'm done playing. This is but a work of fiction…

Author's note: Rating is for Chevy twins' bad-mouthing. Okay, so I've had a couple of reviewers say that they're having some trouble understanding Mudflap with his lisp… but I like writing it, because it amuses me (the whole point of the story). So, I've decided that I'll compromise. The chapters may seem extremely long, but it's because I've written the chapter in the same format as previous chapters. If you don't like or are having trouble understanding Mudflap, scroll down until you spot the Autobot and Decepticon logo composed of typing characters (kudos to whoever created those btw) from that point on, you'll find the same chapter in its entirety, but sans-lisp.

* * *

Ch.7: No Escape

"_Uh, Lennox… you remember anyone saying anything about any new recruits?"_

I blanched when I heard that. We kept right on trooping along on the twins' heels like a flock of little ducklings. No guns were drawn on us. No one stopped us, but I was highly aware of the two actual military personnel watching us closely. The dark-skinned one was actually smirking while the other he'd called Lennox's expression looked vaguely like he was constipated.

The twins ushered us along, ignoring the looks from the two men. Skids actually started swaggering, one lips curled up as though daring anyone to stop them. I was getting more and more nervous and was starting to feel sick. I sped up and patted Mudflap's leg quickly. He turned to look at me curiously.

"Whath up?" He asked in a whisper, so maybe he wasn't as confident as his twin brother.

"Do you two have a plan? I don't mean to nag, but you don't _seem_ to have one," I whispered back, eyes wide.

"When are two going to let us go home? This is getting _old_," Kayleigh asked a little loud and I flinched, looking around expecting to see guns trained on us and someone yelling 'intruders!' "I've got drill this weekend. I'll get in trouble if I don't show up," she added, seemingly oblivious to the glare she was getting from me and Mudflap both.

Skids answered, his expression grouchy. "You're staying here. I ain't lettin' ya go runnin' around yellin' about no aliens," he hissed at us. "We're not allowed to screw up again."

Dagny's face screwed up. "We're not gerbils, ya idiots. Ya can't keep us here," she hissed.

"News flash, Squishies. We're big, we're bad, and we make the rules, so shove it," Skids snarled.

"Wait, we keepin' em?" Mudflap asked, looking puzzled. "What the hell we thuppothed to do with three humanth?"

Skids growled, actually growled. "Yo stupid ass is always goin' on about how ya want a pet. Wish granted, ya got three."

Mudflap stared at us blankly. We all just gaped in varying degrees of humiliation and indignation. "I don't want em," he said flatly.

"I am_ not_ a pet!" Kayleigh shrilled suddenly. "Especially not the pet of two big, _stupid_ alien rejects!"

"Ah sure as hell ain't no one's pet," Dagny added, her own voice rising.

I just shook my head wordlessly.

"I wouldn't want ya for a pet anyway!" Mudflap snarled, jabbing a finger at Kayleigh.

"At least I don't smell like vomit!" She instantly retaliated.

I was suddenly very aware of the people staring at us. I began edging around Mudflap, deciding that he would make a decent shield in case someone decided to start shooting.

"IT AIN'T MY FAULT I SMELL LIKE THAT!" Skids roared, looming over us.

"Your fault," Mudflap said, turning his head to look at me as I attempted to hide behind him.

"Wait, you—ewww, man," Dagny groaned looking at me.

"You threw up in them?" Kayleigh asked, suddenly very interested in me. I flushed, trying to telegraph through subtle head nods that a crowd of actual military personnel were headed toward us at a jog. Kayleigh either didn't understand, or didn't notice. She burst out laughing. "Ewww, I knew you smelled like puke! That's freakin' awesome!"

You wouldn't believe you could glare when your eyes are as big as dinner plates. I managed it though. I saw one of the men, the one called Lennox reaching around, presumably for a weapon. My brain, my poor rattled, terrified brain gave the equivalent of saying, 'screw this,' and I was scrambling and running headlong for shelter. I heard both girls shriek in surprise at my sudden activity and then they finally noticed the group moving toward them. I heard the twins both yell at me, but I was running for one corner of the large complex where several vehicles were lined up. A man in fatigues lunged at me, but I barely dodged him and scrambled on all fours under the closest vehicle I could easily get under.

A big, green Search and Rescue Hummer.

I scooted under the vehicle and was mildly surprised when no one tried to grab one of my arms or legs and haul me back out. A part of my mind was setting off silent alarms that only intensified with the twins' next words.

"Oh, thit. No, the juth didn't."

"Uh, Fruit-loop? Real dumb idea," Skids called out.

I suddenly froze. The two twin giant aliens turned into a vehicle. The other evil one had turned into a vehicle. The police car had really been an alien… I moaned. Surely to God, I hadn't dived under…

The Hummer shifted on its shocks over me and I wanted to cry. A deep voice rumbled directly overhead. "Someone better tell me right now why there's a human female under me and so help me, _Sides_, if you make the lewd comment that I'm sure you're processing, I _will_ hurt you…"

Somebody up there, and I didn't mean the alien I was camping under, was having a good laugh at my expense, I decided.

****

**l=lVl=l  
l=l l=l  
\l H l/  
AUTOBOTS**

**vs.**

**l\ .M. /l****  
\l=V=l/  
l\lVl/l  
DECEPTICONS**

Ch.7: No Escape

"_Uh, Lennox… you remember anyone saying anything about any new recruits?"_

I blanched when I heard that. We kept right on trooping along on the twins' heels like a flock of little ducklings. No guns were drawn on us. No one stopped us, but I was highly aware of the two actual military personnel watching us closely. The dark-skinned one was actually smirking while the other he'd called Lennox's expression looked vaguely like he was constipated.

The twins ushered us along, ignoring the looks from the two men. Skids actually started swaggering, one lips curled up as though daring anyone to stop them. I was getting more and more nervous and was starting to feel sick. I sped up and patted Mudflap's leg quickly. He turned to look at me curiously.

"What's up?" He asked in a whisper, so maybe he wasn't as confident as his twin brother.

"Do you two have a plan? I don't mean to nag, but you don't _seem_ to have one," I whispered back, eyes wide.

"When are two going to let us go home? This is getting _old_," Kayleigh asked a little loud and I flinched, looking around expecting to see guns trained on us and someone yelling 'intruders!' "I've got drill this weekend. I'll get in trouble if I don't show up," she added, seemingly oblivious to the glare she was getting from me and Mudflap both.

Skids answered, his expression grouchy. "You're staying here. I ain't lettin' ya go runnin' around yellin' about no aliens," he hissed at us. "We're not allowed to screw up again."

Dagny's face screwed up. "We're not gerbils, ya idiots. Ya can't keep us here," she hissed.

"News flash, Squishies. We're big, we're bad, and we make the rules, so shove it," Skids snarled.

"Wait, we keepin' em?" Mudflap asked, looking puzzled. "What the hell we supposed to do with three humans?"

Skids growled, actually growled. "Yo stupid ass is always goin' on about how ya want a pet. Wish granted, ya got three."

Mudflap stared at us blankly. We all just gaped in varying degrees of humiliation and indignation. "I don't want em," he said flatly.

"I am_ not_ a pet!" Kayleigh shrilled suddenly. "Especially not the pet of two big, _stupid_ alien rejects!"

"I sure as hell ain't no one's pet," Dagny added, her own voice rising.

I just shook my head wordlessly.

"I wouldn't want ya for a pet anyway!" Mudflap snarled, jabbing a finger at Kayleigh.

"At least I don't smell like vomit!" She instantly retaliated.

I was suddenly very aware of the people staring at us. I began edging around Mudflap, deciding that he would make a decent shield in case someone decided to start shooting.

"IT AIN'T MY FAULT I SMELL LIKE THAT!" Skids roared, looming over us.

"Your fault," Mudflap said, turning his head to look at me as I attempted to hide behind him.

"Wait, you—ewww, man," Dagny groaned looking at me.

"You threw up in them?" Kayleigh asked, suddenly very interested in me. I flushed, trying to telegraph through subtle head nods that a crowd of actual military personnel were headed toward us at a jog. Kayleigh either didn't understand, or didn't notice. She burst out laughing. "Ewww, I knew you smelled like puke! That's freakin' awesome!"

You wouldn't believe you could glare when your eyes are as big as dinner plates. I managed it though. I saw one of the men, the one called Lennox reaching around, presumably for a weapon. My brain, my poor rattled, terrified brain gave the equivalent of saying, 'screw this,' and I was scrambling and running headlong for shelter. I heard both girls shriek in surprise at my sudden activity and then they finally noticed the group moving toward them. I heard the twins both yell at me, but I was running for one corner of the large complex where several vehicles were lined up. A man in fatigues lunged at me, but I barely dodged him and scrambled on all fours under the closest vehicle I could easily get under.

A big, green Search and Rescue Hummer.

I scooted under the vehicle and was mildly surprised when no one tried to grab one of my arms or legs and haul me back out. A part of my mind was setting off silent alarms that only intensified with the twins' next words.

"Oh, shit. No, she just didn't."

"Uh, Fruit-loop? Real dumb idea," Skids called out.

I suddenly froze. The two twin giant aliens turned into a vehicle. The other evil one had turned into a vehicle. The police car had really been an alien… I moaned. Surely to God, I hadn't dived under…

The Hummer shifted on its shocks over me and I wanted to cry. A deep voice rumbled directly overhead. "Someone better tell me right now why there's a human female under me and so help me, _Sides_, if you make the lewd comment that I'm sure you're processing, I _will_ hurt you…"

Somebody up there, and I didn't mean the alien I was camping under, was having a good laugh at my expense, I decided.


	8. Ch8: Prisoners of Idiocy

Disclaimer: Wide Spread Panic doesn't own The Transformers, of course. Nor does she own any of the businesses or items mentioned within. As for the people, you know who you are and who owns who and I promise to put you back with a minimum of mental scarring when I'm done playing. This is but a work of fiction…

Author's Note: Sorry for the lapse in updates, I got preoccupied with a side project. I've started making Transformers plushies, because they amuse me. XD

* * *

Ch8: Prisoners of Idiocy

Yeah, someone up there was laughing their ass off. I just knew it.

Still, I wasn't coming out from under the Hummer-that-was-really-an-alien willingly. There were men with guns out there after all and I was very inclined to avoid them. I'm allergic to being shot at.

Unfortunately for me, the silver Corvette parked on the other side of the Hummer, who was apparently named Sideswipe, decided he just had to say something, threat of punishment regardless. I saw the Corvette wiggle a little closer, an interesting maneuver involving rocking on its wheels. "I'm hurt Ratchet," purred a deep, masculine voice. "I'll have you know I'm not the least bit xenophobic and I'm very happy for you. After all, for someone your age to snag a partner is an accomplishment in of itself. And besides," the alien continued as I struggled to comprehend what it was talking about, "maybe if you get some every now and then, you won't be so bit-"

That was apparently the limit of the Hummer's patience. Its engine roared, drowning out the rest of the Corvette's speech and a door slammed open, swinging into the side of the Corvette hard. I was instantly scrambling on all fours, my only goal finding some place sane, far from 'giant alien cars robot things' and 'trigger happy people with guns.' I didn't even make it out from under the Hummer, before I heard the sound. That wild almost musical sound of metal dancing across metal, shifting and rearranging. Then a hand bigger than me slammed down on the concrete floor about a foot from my head.

I didn't need a whole lot more motivating than that. I stumbled to my feet, lurching in a direction that seemed to be occupied by the smallest number of 'trigger happy people with guns.' I was a streak-a blur of motion, darting and twisting to avoid aliens and military alike. I didn't make it all that far. To be honest, I ran about two feet before something nabbed me by a leg and I found myself dangling upside down. Again. I seemed to end up dangling upside down by a leg a lot lately. At this point, my brain (far past the scoff-able point of mere hysteria) wondered inanely what it would cost to print a shirt with the words "This Side Up" and an arrow on it.

The Hummer, now transformed into yet another giant robot to my immense_ delight_, was alternating between glowering at me and glowering at the Corvette. I resorted to my last, and pathetically only line of defense: I proceeded to scream as if I was being slowly and bloodily murdered.

"Oh, for Primus' sake, mute it. I'm not hurting you," the Hummer grumbled. Far from being comforting, his tone combined with the snarling expression made me realize new extremes in shrillness.

The Corvette was cackling. At least, I was fairly sure the sound was coming from the Corvette, it was shaking anyway. It was hard to tell over the shrill sound of my own continuous screams and the angry snarling comments from the Hummer.

"_What is going on here_?"

The new voice shut me up. Loud doesn't quite do it justice. The words weren't yelled, it was just that this voice commanded obedience. Like some animalistic instinct buried deep in my brain like a half-remembered memory sat up and took notice. It said, 'shut up and run away.'I stopped screaming.

There was another alien present. An alien bigger than any I'd seen so far. This one wasn't one you could ignore. When he spoke, you listened-I grasped that immediately. He was red and blue predominantly and seemed to sigh slightly, shoulders hunching in a very human way as he took in the scene before him. No one said a word or made a single move.

And then Dagny and Kayleigh in sync, pointed and yelled, "They did it!"

The whole room turned to look at what they were pointing at. I craned my neck from my still upside down position. Skids and Mudflap froze, caught in the midst of slinking out of the room as subtly as possible. A large black alien stepped in front of them, cutting off their escape. On his forearms, panels rearranged to reveal very unpleasant looking cannons.

"Oh, shit," Skids hissed as the black alien grinned down at them, his cannons whirring.

* * *

Handcuffs aren't really comfortable, but I guess that's the point. Me, Kayleigh and Dagny had been unceremoniously rounded up, handcuffed, and thrown in a large concrete room. There was only a door, no windows or fixtures of any kind. We sat facing each other, against different walls. Kayleigh and Dagny were arguing.

I was focused on far more important matters. Not crying like a baby for one and figuring out a way to get out of this mess unscathed for another. I leaned my head against my knees and struggled against the cuffs for all the good it would do me.

"They can't just do this to me, I got rights! I pay my taxes!" Dagny was snarling, looking furious.

"Hey, people disappear all the time," Kayleigh countered, shrugging as best she could. "They gotta think about Homeland Security and all that jazz, anyway."

I'm double-jointed and fairly flexible. As I listened to them yelling at each other from opposite sides of the room, I twisted and thrashed against the handcuffs. _Ow, ow, ow._

"The hell are we a threat to them?!" Dagny looked nearly rabid.

"We know stuff," Kayleigh retorted, making her eyes big.

"They can take their damn cover-ups and conspiracies and shove 'em—"

"We'll just disappear. Never to be heard from again," Kayleigh interrupted and she proceeded to start humming the X-Files theme.

I gritted my teeth, felt my thumb go a way that, even though I couldn't see it behind my back, I was sure it wasn't supposed to go. I cussed under my breath and kept right on wriggling my hand, feeling metal bite into my skin as I squeezed my hand loose_. Ow._ There was going to be bruising and cuts, but I was already bruised and cut, so what was one more?

"They can't do that!"

"They can, they will, and they've done it before," Kayleigh said in a sing-song tone. "Dooooom."

My hand popped free and I instantly brought it to my mouth with a whimper of pain, nursing a scrape.

The other two shut up and stared. I gingerly removed my hand from my mouth and stood up. I looked around. I'd been so preoccupied with freeing my hands, I hadn't thought of another course of action for when I did. The room we were in was solid with just the one door. I felt better with my hands freed though. A tiny part of my mind grinned in self-satisfaction at the pitiful rebellious gesture.

"Hey, how'd ya do that?" Dagny demanded, scowling over at me.

I rubbed my hand and glared at her. "Just did," I muttered back, chin tipping up slightly in defiance. It was nice to delude myself that I had control over something.

The door opened then and a new alien stood in the doorway, this one blue. Behind him, a group of military personnel with weapons at the ready. And I was standing in the middle of the room, my hands free. One of the men twitched his gun up to point at me.

I sighed and held up both hands compliantly, the handcuffs dangling from my left wrist. This nightmare would never end.

* * *

We were marched down a long corridor and into a huge room. We were left there, but we weren't alone. The giant blue and red alien was there and so was the man called Lennox. He was standing with his arms crossed, a couple of feet away from the towering robot's leg. He gave us a once over and didn't look all that impressed. I didn't blame him. We weren't that intimidating.

"So," the man said, eyeing us.

"Ah ain't afraid of ya," Dagny barked suddenly, her hands fisted behind her back still in cuffs and despite her bravado, she was shaking like a leaf. "And ah swear to God that if ya kill me an' hide the body, ah'll haunt your miserable asses for the rest of eternity!"

Lennox's face contorted, his expression flickering from surprise to disgust before finally settling on amusement and he started laughing as she flushed and glowered. He clapped a hand over his mouth, fighting to stifle the wild laughter and turned his back to us, his shoulders shaking silently.

"Thank you for clarifying that," boomed, the alien and even though his face was hidden by a face-plate, I'd have sworn he was smiling at our expense. "I am Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots. I mean you no harm—"

"Bull," Dagny snarled, making the soldier wince, but the alien-this Optimus Prime, chose to tactfully ignore the comment.

"But I must wonder why or rather, how you three came to be here. This location is highly restricted." He commented.

"The gangsta-aliens… sort of kidnapped us," Kayleigh offered. "So blame them. We're just the innocent victims here. They did it."

Lennox snorted at the 'innocent' comment and looked doubtful. Kayleigh conspired to look righteously indignant.

I gathered my courage and cleared my throat a little sorely. "Can I go home? Please?" I winced at the scratchy, strained sound of my own voice. I stared tiredly from Lennox to Optimus Prime with my most pitiful expression. It wasn't hard to look pitiful when you're bruised, cut up, and shaggy looking in dirty clothes.

Optimus reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose, or what would have been the bridge of his nose if he was human anyway. "You'll stay here for the time being until we decide what to do about you," he said in a tone that brooked no argument.

That didn't stop the other two from trying, though. I decided then and there that their self-preservation instincts were either fatally flawed or downright missing.

"I've got drill this weekend and—"

"Ah've gotta job, ya can't just hold us here like—"

"—do the words 'dishonorable discharge' mean anything to—"

"—show up for work, my bills don't get paid! Ya want me to lose my—"

I held up a hand to get Optimus' attention as my two companions fussed. "We stay here… we get a place to rest? A bed? A _real_ bed? And a shower?" My brain had latched onto the only possible glimmer of hope in this hopeless situation.

Kayleigh and Dagny hesitated in their tirades.

Optimus glanced down at Lennox who nodded quickly, probably eager to find on anything that would keep the other two quiet. "We've got spare rooms in the personnel quarters," he said.

I nodded slowly. "Permission to be led away and locked up in room with a bed and a shower, boss-man?" I asked, grinning stupidly.

Kayleigh snorted.

Lennox just slowly shook his head. Maybe he'd seen the movie I was referencing, I didn't know. I didn't care. "This is going to end badly," he muttered, nearly too low for me to hear. I did hear, though and I agreed with him.

Right before they led us away, another man in khaki fatigues came in and traded out our handcuffs for a different fashion accessory. They were heavy silver discs about as large as the bottom of a coke can and only a couple of inches thick; they were attached to our wrists via a thick black plastic-looking material. The man had looked at skeptically, as though remembering how easily I'd slipped out of the handcuffs and had cinched mine just a little tighter.

"Trackers. You won't be confined to quarters, but you do not have full access to the base. Don't try to run off, you won't get far, this is an island," Lennox explained, crossing his arms. "And don't try to remove those. You cut through the strap and you get a low-voltage corrective shock. Keep attempting to cut through it and the voltage gets upped." He smiled then; it wasn't all that nice a smile either.


	9. Ch9: Human

_Disclaimer: Wide Spread Panic doesn't own The Transformers, of course. Nor does she own any of the businesses or items mentioned within. As for the people, you know who you are and who owns who and I promise to put you back with a minimum of mental scarring when I'm done playing. This is a crack fic and but a work of fiction…_

_Author's Note: If you have trouble understanding Mudflap, scroll down to the Autobot and Decepticon symbols (created by Vaeru) and you'll find a second copy of this same chapter, but without the accent for easier reading. Thanks for reading and please review. _

_Warnings: for language and Sideswipe lewdness._

* * *

Ch.9: Humans

The hammering on the door of the room I'd been put in was getting annoying. The rooms were Spartan, simple cots, a closet, a bathroom barely larger than the closet, and a steel locker for belongings built into the wall. I rolled over facedown on the cot, pulling the pillow over my head and trying to block out the noise.

"Hey!" The hammering on the door redoubled. The sound was coming from too high up to be human.

I opened one eye, growling under my breath. The doors had no doorknobs or control panels. How they knew to open was beyond me and I didn't really care as long as it stayed closed. "Go._ Away_." I moaned into the pillow.

"Yo, Fruit-loop!"

Was a little time to myself so much to ask for? I was willing to bet that the odds of them being able to get through the door and get me by force if I didn't respond were fairly good. I cringed and rolled stiffly off the cot. I rubbed at my eyes tiredly and stumbled to the door, grunting as the door slid open without a sound. I squinted up at the twins miserably. "Yeah?"

I shrieked in surprise as Skids nabbed me around the waist, dragging me out of the room. I sprawled across his fingers, glaring. "Thup, thwuithy?" Mudflap grinned at me. Their faces really weren't what I wanted to see first thing when I woke up. Actually, their ugly faces weren't even on my long list of things I looked forward to seeing.

"Gonna show ya somethin,'" Skids grunted, turning and walking down the hall with the fluid whirr of unseen mechanisms. I wasn't sure where we were headed; their long strides ate up the distance so quickly. I glared up at them suspiciously and yawned. Whatever they wanted to show me, I was pretty sure I wouldn't like it.

I grunted as Skids set me down suddenly and I staggered slightly, before turning and looking at them. They both looked expectantly down at me. "What is it?"

Mudflap made a shooing gesture.

I raised an eyebrow and looked down the innocent looking stretch of hallway suspiciously. "I don't trust you two."

Skids crossed his arms, the strange round panels on his head so like ears, flicking slightly. "I can always chuck yo ass down the hall," he said amiably, smiling grotesquely.

I pursed my lips and took a step. Nothing blew up. No alarms went off. I took a deep breath and took another step. Still nothing. _It's a mind game_, I thought sulkily. _They're just messing with me. _Another larger step, head raised high.

And then I got knocked on my ass. In all fairness they'd warned me about the damn "low-voltage corrective shock device" I had strapped to my wrist. Whoever had labeled it as a low-voltage shock must have meant it in correlation to the damn aliens or had just been plain stupid. The pain was instant, a shriek tearing from my lips, and the next thing I knew I was flat on my back, wheezing.

The twins loomed over me, staring down in amusement. I watched, temporarily unable to move as they high-fived each other. "That wath fweakin' awethome," Mudflap crooned, grinning.

_Oh, God I hate aliens._

_

* * *

_

Cattle-prod? No, not like a Tazer either. The damn thing was stronger. I stared up at the ceiling high overhead as my vision blurred with tears and a random set of muscles started contracting and releasing rapidly in painful jerks. The twins, smugly self-satisfied with their revenge, had left me in the middle of the corridor. I'd tried four or five times to get up, only to be knocked back on my ass by residual spasms.

I silently swore to myself that the first thing I was going to do when it wore off was find Lennox, ask who made the cuff, hunt them down, and beat the ever-loving hell out of them with a big stick.

I was pulled from my vengeful reverie by a large shadow falling over me. I tilted my head back and stared at a large red and black alien with what looked like a monstrously huge scope or cannon of some sort attached to one shoulder. Its face was severe as it stared down at me in what could only be called disapproval.

"That is a statistically poor choice of location to recharge. This hallway will be fairly busy with foot traffic shortly," he said, his voice devoid of any of the disapproval on his face, his tone fussy and precise.

I shuddered again, my lips curving back into what was more of a snarl than a smile as another little ghost of electricity lanced through me. "Yeah." I wheezed. "Th-thanks."

His expression changed, sliding from disapproval to mild disgust. "You are incapable of moving… are you not?"

"Got it in one," I managed, grinning stupidly. I didn't even have time to yelp as large fingers closed around me and lifted me with more care than I was used to from the aliens.

He stared down at me blankly, apparently trying to decide just what the hell to do with me now. I offered him a weak little shrug. Seeming to come to a decision, he turned and started walking back up the hall. A shriek caught in my throat as I tensed and waited for the onslaught of voltage.

That didn't come this time. I cracked an eye open experimentally. No searing pain, no burning sensation, nothing. "I didn't get shocked," I mumbled.

Mr. Precise peered down at me dubiously, his bright optics flickering to my cuff. "You are only restricted inside the base when travelling alone. When travelling inside the biometric energy signature of a Cybertronian, you will not be reprimanded for wandering outside your allotted area."

I blinked slowly. Which must have been why the twins had set me down and shooed me in the direction they knew I wasn't supposed to go. "Right," I said slowly, nodding my head as if I had a clue what that meant.

The new alien carried me down the massive hall and ducked into a room with a thick reinforced door. To my utter horror, the obnoxiously colored Hummer alien was there, bustling around a display with his back to me. I was in the process to trying to figure out how to get away from the prissy alien before the Hummer saw me, when another one of the damn things came from a back room, staring at me wriggling in the red and black alien's grip.

"What are you doing with the human?" The newcomer tipped his head curiously, two curved blinking fins on either side of his head flashing blue at me.

The Hummer, Ratchet, turned then, his expression instantly sliding to disapproval. "_You."_ The word held more venom than I would have imagined possible and I smiled faintly, managing a helpless little wave.

The alien with the blinking lights looked from Ratchet to me and though a strange banded battle-mask covered the lower half of his face, I got the distinct impression he was grinning behind it. "You two know each other, Ratch?"

Ratchet made a sound close to a snort. "Perceptor, get the human back where it belongs."

* * *

I turned my head, startled to see Mudflap and Skid crouching in the floor of the corridor. The massive black Autobot from before was towering over them, his arms crossed. I watched as the twins scrubbed the floor with toothbrushes, the tiny brushes pinched gingerly between two large fingers.

I felt a little smile touch my lips and for the first time since this whole sorry mess had started, I felt happy. "Missed a spot!" I called out in passing.

Skids glowered up at me, his eyes narrowed as I waved merrily at him.

Perceptor carried me down the gray corridor to a large open area. We were below ground now, I did know that much, but where or even how far underground where a mystery to me still. The area I now found myself in had several huge benches that were occupied by several aliens.

* * *

"She's aliiiiive," Kayleigh intoned, pointing at me as I sat down.

Dagny looked up, peering at me over the top of her cup of coffee. "Thought the aliens might have eaten ya."

I raised an eyebrow slowly. "I taste bad."

Kayleigh leaned over the table, drumming her fingers on the surface. "Check it out. Military beefcake."

The curly-haired woman choked on her coffee, swatting at the younger girl as she winked. "Down girl."

I could only shake my head as Kayleigh wiggled her chair closer to Dagny's to whisper between themselves about the cute guys.

I jumped as the guy named Epps slammed a tray down near my elbow, making me drop my tuna sandwich on the table. I stared up at him as he smiled tightly at the three of us.

"Ladies," he said slowly. "Good news. We've decided that rather than having you parading around in our dirty laundry, you'll be provided clothing for the duration of your stay."

Dagny squeaked as Epps tugged at her shirt. "Not that I have a problem with a pretty girl wearing my shirt," he said. "But I would like to have my clothes back."

* * *

When he'd said we'd be provided clothing, I hadn't realized he'd meant shopping trip. A supervised shopping trip. I wasn't complaining though. The very fact that we weren't being confined in the brig was more than I had to hope for.

We ended up with three escorts, which to me felt like overkill, but the military brass seemed satisfied. The three aliens sat ubiquitously in their vehicle modes, looking as innocent as anything. To my horror, one was the loud-mouthed silver Corvette and a silver Pontiac Solstice and a dark gray Dodge Challenger with black stripes sat on either side of the Corvette.

"Dibs on the 'Vette!" Kayleigh all but screamed as she darted for it.

Dagny shrugged faintly shooting me a 'what can you do' look, before stalking towards the Challenger. I stared at the little Solstice as it blinked its headlights harmlessly at me. I sighed softly and climbed in the alien car.

"'Sup, shawty," rumbled the alien from around me and I only barely twitched.

"Er, hi."

"You one of the ones that got everyone in such a stir?" He drawled lazily.

I hesitated before I pulled the seatbelt around and buckled myself in. "I guess so."

The car rumbled softly. "Name's Jazz. Sideswipe ya met and the kid's Bluestreak."

I was having a conversation with a sentient alien car like it was the most normal thing in the world. I smiled slowly. "Pleased to meet you. I'm Melissa."

* * *

We were on an island I learned, but I wasn't sure which coast we were on. The military personnel carrier that ferried us back to the mainland made the trip quickly and efficiently. The city the aliens drove us to and the mall therein could have been anywhere in the United States and I didn't see any newspaper racks or anything I could look at to figure out where we were. The other two didn't seem to care one way or the other.

* * *

I'd forgotten about the holoforms, I thought sourly as the three… men moved around the mall with curious expressions. I had been wondering how our escorts would keep an eye on us while we were inside the building.

My eyes flickered over the three men. Jazz was tallest, his lean body too convincingly real to be a hologram. I wondered vaguely if he'd chosen those tight dark jeans and black shirt knowing how good it looked. His bright eyes looked odd in his dark unlined face, his lips curving into a ready, easy smile.

Sideswipe was blond headed, the very tips of his messy hair dyed red and spiked. He walked with a confident swagger, his black combat boots not making a sound. If not for his messy hair, his designer clothes would have made him look preppy; he only came off as a well-dressed punk though.

It took me a moment to spot Bluestreak. He'd paused in front of an electronics store, staring curiously up at the screens of the flat panels TVs in the window. His curly brown hair framed a lean face that was strangely youthful and open. As I watched he skirted away from a little boy who paused to look at the TVs before his mother pulled him along in her wake. Bluestreak's innocent eyes watched them pass as he tugged his gray and red jacket closer around himself as though cold.

Kayleigh and Dagny had already wandered off to a GAP store. I peered suspiciously at the three holograms, before following the other two girls to get clothing. I couldn't help but look down at myself seeing the clerk in the store giving me a look that clearly said 'you don't belong here.' I was wearing a pair of battered khaki fatigues and an oversized white wife beater. Most of the bruises were fading to yellow or green, but all in all I looked pretty sad and I knew it. I still raised my chin defiantly though.

I picked up a pair of jeans and a shirt, smiling faintly to see Dagny balancing an armful of clothes. She only grinned at me when she noticed me looking. "Hey, free clothes."

"Not free," Kayleigh corrected, snagging a top off a rack that cost more than my typical wardrobe for a day. "Courtesy of Uncle Sam and the tax payers."

"And you two don't feel the least bit guilty about that do you?" I asked slowly, seeing identical Cheshire cat grins that I decided meant that I'd pegged it in one. I rolled my eyes in amusement, looking at and wincing at the price tag on a pair of jeans. Not my money, I thought quietly. Good lord, I didn't want to even think about all the art supplies I could buy with the money these clothes were going to cost.

"Oooh! We should hit up Victoria's Secret!" Dagny shrilled suddenly, nearly dancing in place.

* * *

It only took me a few minutes to spot the three holograms. It took less than that for me to want to cry. Spencer's. The aliens had found the Spencer's. I turned to look over my shoulder and to see Dagny and Kayleigh both staring.

"Dude…" Kayleigh opened and shut her mouth a couple of times.

Dagny squared her shoulders. "So, we, uh wait til they come out?"

I tensed, ready to tell them I wasn't going in there when Kayleigh seized me and Dagny both and began marching us forward towards the shop. "You know, they're supposed to be watching us and what's to keep us from just walking off? I mean they're our guards and they wandered off. What kind of responsibility is that?"

Dragging my feet, I realized what she was saying. I could run. I didn't have a car, money, a phone, or anything really. But I could get away and be done with all of this. No more aliens. No running for my life.

And yet I let her drag me into Spencer's.

Maybe it was the curiosity. The danger or the excitement of the unknown could have done it. I was willingly throwing in my lot with the aliens, because I was too stupid to know better. I was _curious_.

The shop was dimly lit, with only a few people wandering around the narrow interior. A blond man with matted dreadlocks and black beanie with Family Guy on it peered over the top of a battered copy of Neil Gaiman's _Anansi Boys_ at us, his expression bored.

The aliens were easy enough to find, the three of them had crowded around a rack in a corner. Bluestreak looked mortified, while Jazz and Sideswipe looked amused. The identical impish smiles on the two of their faces were enough to make my stomach lurch. Some instinctive sense of self-preservation kicked in about then, warning me to run while I had the chance.

"What did you boys find?" Kayleigh asked slowly, her tone syrupy sweet and innocent.

Which was a hell of a mistake. Sideswipe and Jazz swept in on her then and there, expressions intense. Sideswipe held up a thin, streamlined package in her face. "What is this for? Explain it in detail for us," he purred, the gleam in his eyes alerting me to the fact that not only did he damn well know what he was holding; he knew what it was for.

Kayleigh made a soft squeaking sound and backed away as Sideswipe advanced on her, a brightly colored vibrating toy held under her nose. "I have no idea."

"Yes, you do," he crooned and I saw Jazz grin broadly, picking up a pair of fuzzy handcuffs and giggling them.

I turned without a word and fled, before I could get dragged into it too. I found a bench in the middle of the mall and sat down, clutching my bag in my lap. Aliens. Perverted, sick, twisted aliens. I snorted and then started laughing softly. Before I realized what I was doing, I was doubled over my bag laughing like an idiot and getting stared at by the people passing by. And I didn't care. It felt good.

****

**l=lVl=l  
l=l l=l  
\l H l/  
AUTOBOTS**

**vs.**

**l\ .M. /l****  
\l=V=l/  
l\lVl/l  
DECEPTICONS**

Ch.9: Humans

The hammering on the door of the room I'd been put in was getting annoying. The rooms were Spartan, simple cots, a closet, a bathroom barely larger than the closet, and a steel locker for belongings built into the wall. I rolled over facedown on the cot, pulling the pillow over my head and trying to block out the noise.

"Hey!" The hammering on the door redoubled. The sound was coming from too high up to be human.

I opened one eye, growling under my breath. The doors had no doorknobs or control panels. How they knew to open was beyond me and I didn't really care as long as it stayed closed. "Go._ Away_." I moaned into the pillow.

"Yo, Fruit-loop!"

Was a little time to myself so much to ask for? I was willing to bet that the odds of them being able to get through the door and get me by force if I didn't respond were fairly good. I cringed and rolled stiffly off the cot. I rubbed at my eyes tiredly and stumbled to the door, grunting as the door slid open without a sound. I squinted up at the twins miserably. "Yeah?"

I shrieked in surprise as Skids nabbed me around the waist, dragging me out of the room. I sprawled across his fingers, glaring. "Sup, squishy?" Mudflap grinned at me. Their faces really weren't what I wanted to see first thing when I woke up. Actually, their ugly faces weren't even on my long list of things I looked forward to seeing.

"Gonna show ya somethin,'" Skids grunted, turning and walking down the hall with the fluid whirr of unseen mechanisms. I wasn't sure where we were headed; their long strides ate up the distance so quickly. I glared up at them suspiciously and yawned. Whatever they wanted to show me, I was pretty sure I wouldn't like it.

I grunted as Skids set me down suddenly and I staggered slightly, before turning and looking at them. They both looked expectantly down at me. "What is it?"

Mudflap made a shooing gesture.

I raised an eyebrow and looked down the innocent looking stretch of hallway suspiciously. "I don't trust you two."

Skids crossed his arms, the strange round panels on his head so like ears, flicking slightly. "I can always chuck yo ass down the hall," he said amiably, smiling grotesquely.

I pursed my lips and took a step. Nothing blew up. No alarms went off. I took a deep breath and took another step. Still nothing. _It's a mind game_, I thought sulkily. _They're just messing with me. _Another larger step, head raised high.

And then I got knocked on my ass. In all fairness they'd warned me about the damn "low-voltage corrective shock device" I had strapped to my wrist. Whoever had labeled it as a low-voltage shock must have meant it in correlation to the damn aliens or had just been plain stupid. The pain was instant, a shriek tearing from my lips, and the next thing I knew I was flat on my back, wheezing.

The twins loomed over me, staring down in amusement. I watched, temporarily unable to move as they high-fived each other. "That was freakin' awesome," Mudflap crooned, grinning.

_Oh, God I hate aliens._

* * *

Cattle-prod? No, not like a Tazer either. The damn thing was stronger. I stared up at the ceiling high overhead as my vision blurred with tears and a random set of muscles started contracting and releasing rapidly in painful jerks. The twins, smugly self-satisfied with their revenge, had left me in the middle of the corridor. I'd tried four or five times to get up, only to be knocked back on my ass by residual spasms.

I silently swore to myself that the first thing I was going to do when it wore off was find Lennox, ask who made the cuff, hunt them down, and beat the ever-loving hell out of them with a big stick.

I was pulled from my vengeful reverie by a large shadow falling over me. I tilted my head back and stared at a large red and black alien with what looked like a monstrously huge scope or cannon of some sort attached to one shoulder. Its face was severe as it stared down at me in what could only be called disapproval.

"That is a statistically poor choice of location to recharge. This hallway will be fairly busy with foot traffic shortly," he said, his voice devoid of any of the disapproval on his face, his tone fussy and precise.

I shuddered again, my lips curving back into what was more of a snarl than a smile as another little ghost of electricity lanced through me. "Yeah." I wheezed. "Th-thanks."

His expression changed, sliding from disapproval to mild disgust. "You are incapable of moving… are you not?"

"Got it in one," I managed, grinning stupidly. I didn't even have time to yelp as large fingers closed around me and lifted me with more care than I was used to from the aliens.

He stared down at me blankly, apparently trying to decide just what the hell to do with me now. I offered him a weak little shrug. Seeming to come to a decision, he turned and started walking back up the hall. A shriek caught in my throat as I tensed and waited for the onslaught of voltage.

That didn't come this time. I cracked an eye open experimentally. No searing pain, no burning sensation, nothing. "I didn't get shocked," I mumbled.

Mr. Precise peered down at me dubiously, his bright optics flickering to my cuff. "You are only restricted inside the base when travelling alone. When travelling inside the biometric energy signature of a Cybertronian, you will not be reprimanded for wandering outside your allotted area."

I blinked slowly. Which must have been why the twins had set me down and shooed me in the direction they knew I wasn't supposed to go. "Right," I said slowly, nodding my head as if I had a clue what that meant.

The new alien carried me down the massive hall and ducked into a room with a thick reinforced door. To my utter horror, the obnoxiously colored Hummer alien was there, bustling around a display with his back to me. I was in the process to trying to figure out how to get away from the prissy alien before the Hummer saw me, when another one of the damn things came from a back room, staring at me wriggling in the red and black alien's grip.

"What are you doing with the human?" The newcomer tipped his head curiously, two curved blinking fins on either side of his head flashing blue at me.

The Hummer, Ratchet, turned then, his expression instantly sliding to disapproval. "_You."_ The word held more venom than I would have imagined possible and I smiled faintly, managing a helpless little wave.

The alien with the blinking lights looked from Ratchet to me and though a strange banded battle-mask covered the lower half of his face, I got the distinct impression he was grinning behind it. "You two know each other, Ratch?"

Ratchet made a sound close to a snort. "Perceptor, get the human back where it belongs."

* * *

I turned my head, startled to see Mudflap and Skid crouching in the floor of the corridor. The massive black Autobot from before was towering over them, his arms crossed. I watched as the twins scrubbed the floor with toothbrushes, the tiny brushes pinched gingerly between two large fingers.

I felt a little smile touch my lips and for the first time since this whole sorry mess had started, I felt happy. "Missed a spot!" I called out in passing.

Skids glowered up at me, his eyes narrowed as I waved merrily at him.

Perceptor carried me down the gray corridor to a large open area. We were below ground now, I did know that much, but where or even how far underground where a mystery to me still. The area I now found myself in had several huge benches that were occupied by several aliens.

* * *

"She's aliiiiive," Kayleigh intoned, pointing at me as I sat down.

Dagny looked up, peering at me over the top of her cup of coffee. "Thought the aliens might have eaten ya."

I raised an eyebrow slowly. "I taste bad."

Kayleigh leaned over the table, drumming her fingers on the surface. "Check it out. Military beefcake."

The curly-haired woman choked on her coffee, swatting at the younger girl as she winked. "Down girl."

I could only shake my head as Kayleigh wiggled her chair closer to Dagny's to whisper between themselves about the cute guys.

I jumped as the guy named Epps slammed a tray down near my elbow, making me drop my tuna sandwich on the table. I stared up at him as he smiled tightly at the three of us.

"Ladies," he said slowly. "Good news. We've decided that rather than having you parading around in our dirty laundry, you'll be provided clothing for the duration of your stay."

Dagny squeaked as Epps tugged at her shirt. "Not that I have a problem with a pretty girl wearing my shirt," he said. "But I would like to have my clothes back."

* * *

When he'd said we'd be provided clothing, I hadn't realized he'd meant shopping trip. A supervised shopping trip. I wasn't complaining though. The very fact that we weren't being confined in the brig was more than I had to hope for.

We ended up with three escorts, which to me felt like overkill, but the military brass seemed satisfied. The three aliens sat ubiquitously in their vehicle modes, looking as innocent as anything. To my horror, one was the loud-mouthed silver Corvette and a silver Pontiac Solstice and a dark gray Dodge Challenger with black stripes sat on either side of the Corvette.

"Dibs on the 'Vette!" Kayleigh all but screamed as she darted for it.

Dagny shrugged faintly shooting me a 'what can you do' look, before stalking towards the Challenger. I stared at the little Solstice as it blinked its headlights harmlessly at me. I sighed softly and climbed in the alien car.

"'Sup, shawty," rumbled the alien from around me and I only barely twitched.

"Er, hi."

"You one of the ones that got everyone in such a stir?" He drawled lazily.

I hesitated before I pulled the seatbelt around and buckled myself in. "I guess so."

The car rumbled softly. "Name's Jazz. Sideswipe ya met and the kid's Bluestreak."

I was having a conversation with a sentient alien car like it was the most normal thing in the world. I smiled slowly. "Pleased to meet you. I'm Melissa."

* * *

We were on an island I learned, but I wasn't sure which coast we were on. The military personnel carrier that ferried us back to the mainland made the trip quickly and efficiently. The city the aliens drove us to and the mall therein could have been anywhere in the United States and I didn't see any newspaper racks or anything I could look at to figure out where we were. The other two didn't seem to care one way or the other.

* * *

I'd forgotten about the holoforms, I thought sourly as the three… men moved around the mall with curious expressions. I had been wondering how our escorts would keep an eye on us while we were inside the building.

My eyes flickered over the three men. Jazz was tallest, his lean body too convincingly real to be a hologram. I wondered vaguely if he'd chosen those tight dark jeans and black shirt knowing how good it looked. His bright eyes looked odd in his dark unlined face, his lips curving into a ready, easy smile.

Sideswipe was blond headed, the very tips of his messy hair dyed red and spiked. He walked with a confident swagger, his black combat boots not making a sound. If not for his messy hair, his designer clothes would have made him look preppy; he only came off as a well-dressed punk though.

It took me a moment to spot Bluestreak. He'd paused in front of an electronics store, staring curiously up at the screens of the flat panels TVs in the window. His curly brown hair framed a lean face that was strangely youthful and open. As I watched he skirted away from a little boy who paused to look at the TVs before his mother pulled him along in her wake. Bluestreak's innocent eyes watched them pass as he tugged his gray and red jacket closer around himself as though cold.

Kayleigh and Dagny had already wandered off to a GAP store. I peered suspiciously at the three holograms, before following the other two girls to get clothing. I couldn't help but look down at myself seeing the clerk in the store giving me a look that clearly said 'you don't belong here.' I was wearing a pair of battered khaki fatigues and an oversized white wife beater. Most of the bruises were fading to yellow or green, but all in all I looked pretty sad and I knew it. I still raised my chin defiantly though.

I picked up a pair of jeans and a shirt, smiling faintly to see Dagny balancing an armful of clothes. She only grinned at me when she noticed me looking. "Hey, free clothes."

"Not free," Kayleigh corrected, snagging a top off a rack that cost more than my typical wardrobe for a day. "Courtesy of Uncle Sam and the tax payers."

"And you two don't feel the least bit guilty about that do you?" I asked slowly, seeing identical Cheshire cat grins that I decided meant that I'd pegged it in one. I rolled my eyes in amusement, looking at and wincing at the price tag on a pair of jeans. Not my money, I thought quietly. Good lord, I didn't want to even think about all the art supplies I could buy with the money these clothes were going to cost.

"Oooh! We should hit up Victoria's Secret!" Dagny shrilled suddenly, nearly dancing in place.

* * *

It only took me a few minutes to spot the three holograms. It took less than that for me to want to cry. Spencer's. The aliens had found the Spencer's. I turned to look over my shoulder and to see Dagny and Kayleigh both staring.

"Dude…" Kayleigh opened and shut her mouth a couple of times.

Dagny squared her shoulders. "So, we, uh wait til they come out?"

I tensed, ready to tell them I wasn't going in there when Kayleigh seized me and Dagny both and began marching us forward towards the shop. "You know, they're supposed to be watching us and what's to keep us from just walking off? I mean they're our guards and they wandered off. What kind of responsibility is that?"

Dragging my feet, I realized what she was saying. I could run. I didn't have a car, money, a phone, or anything really. But I could get away and be done with all of this. No more aliens. No running for my life.

And yet I let her drag me into Spencer's.

Maybe it was the curiosity. The danger or the excitement of the unknown could have done it. I was willingly throwing in my lot with the aliens, because I was too stupid to know better. I was _curious_.

The shop was dimly lit, with only a few people wandering around the narrow interior. A blond man with matted dreadlocks and black beanie with Family Guy on it peered over the top of a battered copy of Neil Gaiman's _Anansi Boys_ at us, his expression bored.

The aliens were easy enough to find, the three of them had crowded around a rack in a corner. Bluestreak looked mortified, while Jazz and Sideswipe looked amused. The identical impish smiles on the two of their faces were enough to make my stomach lurch. Some instinctive sense of self-preservation kicked in about then, warning me to run while I had the chance.

"What did you boys find?" Kayleigh asked slowly, her tone syrupy sweet and innocent.

Which was a hell of a mistake. Sideswipe and Jazz swept in on her then and there, expressions intense. Sideswipe held up a thin, streamlined package in her face. "What is this for? Explain it in detail for us," he purred, the gleam in his eyes alerting me to the fact that not only did he damn well know what he was holding; he knew what it was for.

Kayleigh made a soft squeaking sound and backed away as Sideswipe advanced on her, a brightly colored vibrating toy held under her nose. "I have no idea."

"Yes, you do," he crooned and I saw Jazz grin broadly, picking up a pair of fuzzy handcuffs and giggling them.

I turned without a word and fled, before I could get dragged into it too. I found a bench in the middle of the mall and sat down, clutching my bag in my lap. Aliens. Perverted, sick, twisted aliens. I snorted and then started laughing softly. Before I realized what I was doing, I was doubled over my bag laughing like an idiot and getting stared at by the people passing by. And I didn't care. It felt good.


	10. Ch10: Taken

Disclaimer: I of course do not own Transformers. As for the OCs, you know who belongs to who and I promise to put you back when I'm done playing with a minimum of mental scarring.

Author's Note: Yes, Sideswipe is a sadistic, pervy letch

* * *

Ch. 10

Taken

"Enjoying the show, kitten?"

I about jumped out of my skin as Jazz sat down on the bench beside me, flashing me a perfectly white smile. His holoform looking far more clean and neat than my grubby appearance, though in my defense I shouldn't be expected to look my best while being kidnapped by aliens.

"Are you all crazy?" I asked, relieved that he only chuckled instead of taking offense.

"Crazy's just a state of mind," he replied, winking at me as Dagny and Kayleigh all but rushed out of Spencer's faces flushed. Sideswipe sauntered out after them, grinning widely and followed by a sheepish looking Bluestreak.

My eyes caught on the black bag swinging in Sideswipe's grip. "Tell me he didn't buy that thing," I pleaded, eye widening. What the hell could a giant alien robot possibly want with one of… _those_?

Sideswipe caught my look and his grin widened until he looked like a Cheshire cat. "I'm supposed to learn about the indigenous population," he purred, waggling his eyebrows and I struggled to remind myself that it was a holographic alien thingy and not a real guy. I had the sudden epiphany that yes, he had bought the thing and that he'd only bought it for the sole sake of using it to torment any and all humans on the base.

"Oh my God," Dagny muttered, looking anywhere but at Sideswipe. "Oh my God."

"I think it needs batteries. Any of you ladies care to show me how it works?" Sideswipe seemed to be enjoying watching us squirm.

"Ew. Just ew," Kayleigh mumbled, skirting away as Sideswipe attempted to hand her the bag.

Jazz chuckled. "Ready to head back?"

"For the love of God, yes! Sideswipe I swear to God!" Kayleigh ducked behind Dagny as he pulled his new toy out of the bag to read the back of the package. "PUT THAT THING AWAY!"

A few shoppers glanced over at the scene our little group was causing; a few teenage boys guffawing and an old man scowling in disgust. Sideswipe looked politely offended as he put it back in the bag.

I turned on my heel and started for the front door of the mall, face no doubt scarlet. I didn't even check to see if the others were following.

Out in the parking lot, we separated into the three different alien cars. It was getting dark and our breath puffed out in little clouds in the chilly air. I almost felt sorry for Kayleigh as Sideswipe's passenger side door opened and wiggled invitingly at her. No doubt, he'd torment her the whole way back. As I stood with one hand braced on the little Solstice's roof, about to climb in a thought struck me. I could run. I could duck back into the mall and hide- surely they wouldn't cause a scene and drag me out kicking a screaming? I could find a security guard and pounce on the guy and refuse to let go. This nightmare could finally be over and I could go back to-

_What? What did I really have to go back to?_ I lived alone out in the middle of nowhere writing romance novels and amusing myself with my pitiful art skills. I'd go back to just barely making payments off the royalties of my novels and working a job I hated just to have a little extra money to live on. Sitting around that run down house, waiting for Adam to show up and pester me, because that was the only entertainment I got.

"Forget something?" Jazz asked as my fingers fisted against his roof.

"Further down the rabbit hole," I muttered more to myself than him as I slid into the seat and the door shut behind me.

* * *

I laid my head back, Jazz leaning the seat back before my fingers could find the switch. I watched the streetlights blur past, lulling me to relax. Jazz's radio flipped stations idly as he sought out something to listen to and I wondered if I'd made the right decision. I had just made my last payment, so I had a month more or less until the next payment for my house. Could I really just turn my back on my life and run off? I'd never been that adventurous of a person. I'd grown up quick taking on responsibilities and duties, childhood suppressed in favor of more practical pursuits. Books had been my one enjoyment, and it had only been natural for me to turn to writing. But this was real. A real adventure and the idea was terrifying and exciting.

I smiled slightly, suddenly determined to make the best of it.

The car that hit us came out of nowhere.

Screaming, I slammed my hands against the dash as Jazz went spinning and his tires squealed. It seemed we swung around in slow motion and there in front of us was the silver and black car illuminated in Jazz's headlights. I screamed again as Jazz suddenly threw himself in reverse with a roar of his engine. My head bounced off of the side window as he jerked himself around, peeling out. I scrabbled for the seatbelt, yelping as he dove off the road kicking up gravel and dirt as I was tossed around his interior like a doll.

The world slowed down into brilliant flashes of instances. The passenger side door swinging open and Jazz's momentum throwing me out into the grass. The piercing awareness that we were behind some buildings in an empty lot. Sideswipe and Bluestreak devolved into clips of silver and gray. Jazz transforming to slam into Sideways as he transformed. Dagny and Kayleigh running from out of nowhere, screaming.

I heaved myself onto all fours, scrambling back to keep from getting trampled as Sidesways grabbed Jazz and threw him, the smaller mech crashing into Sideswipe and sending them both into one of the buildings, brick and mortar raining down. Bluestreak had a weapon of some sort, firing wildly as Sideways charged him.

A loud shrill shriek of sound had me clapping my hands over my ears as I screamed and something massive slammed to the ground behind Bluestreak and backhanded the sniper. The new alien was the biggest by far, all sharp angles and snarling face. It hissed at Bluestreak as he stumbled into a building. Sideswipe regained his footing and charged, twin blades scything through the air and biting into the new alien's bizarre winglike panels on his back.

With an angry snarl like a furious cat, the new alien slashed claws at Sideswipe and the two crashed to the ground roaring and scrabbling to get a blow in.

Bluestreak and Jazz both charged Sideways, weapons fire heating up the air and temporarily blinding me with bright flashes. I crawled further away, trembling and tasting bile. It wasn't that I was a total coward, so much as that I didn't want to die horribly. The fighting was utter chaos to follow as I huddled partially under an abandoned car.

The new alien suddenly broke away from Sideswipe, grabbing Bluestreak from behind. It screeched at Sideways in their own language, before taking off straight up, Bluestreak yelling in the bigger alien's grasp. Sideways transformed suddenly, tearing off back out of the lot.

"Starscream!" Jazz roared, the smaller mech's dental plates gnashing.

Starscream dangled Bluestreak by an arm as the sniper thrashed in a panic. "You want this back, Auto-scum? You will tell your cowardly leader to meet me in two cycles at coordinates 64 degrees North, 165 degrees West," Starscream snarled as he turned tail and raced off.

Sideswipe and Jazz stood there in silence for a moment, before snarling at one another in their own language. I reluctantly crawled out from under my makeshift shelter, glancing around and spotting Dagny and Kayleigh warily eyeing the angry aliens. I wrapped my arms around myself, feeling new bruises forming.

That thing… it'd taken the gentlest of the aliens. I swallowed compulsively, fighting down the urge to retch.


End file.
